Turn the Page again

[JustStunned]

Greetings,

My last thread was locked and that was ok with me as I had a lot of work ahead of me and wanted to step away for a bit. As Betsy suggested at the end of my last thread I returned to The Journey from Abandonment to Healing book with the intent of resolving this once and for all.

Lofty goal, eh?

It’s not resolved, there is more to do. I have made some progress and I’ll accept that for now. It is time I integrate and plateau.

Part of this introspection resulting in my realizing I am not moving forward. I am marking time, waiting for X to come to her senses. Still standing I guess even though there is no indication I should.

Recognizing a problem is the first step, right? I really need to walk away from the relationship. Establish a destination and act. Easier said than done.

So what to do, what to do? For now I have too many irons is the fire to devote time to dating and I am not ready. Each time someone expresses interest I become insecure and tense up. I have not perceived interest expressed often, twice this year isn’t often. I want to put all of this off until next year and so long as that isn’t the next year that never arrives I’m good with it. I don’t think I am ready and I think if I don’t push myself to try I never will be.

In some ways I’m still grieving the lost relationship and Mom’s loss. Part of me actually thought part of X’ bailing was about Mom’s declining health. I don’t know where that would have led me if true.

The mundane continues also:

Enclosure of the storage shed remains as an ongoing project. I don’t favor working outside in the cold and damp, but (sigh) I am not a stranger to it. It is cutting into hunting. Perhaps and more properly hunting is cutting into construction.

I spent a few days in stand locally. These were not productive, but they were peaceful. The activity is bow hunting and entails a lot of thinking alone time.

I met my cousin in WV to hunt his sister’s property. Yeah she is my cousin too. For the first time in 13 years I did not bring home something for the freezer. We just did not see the volume of deer or sign in the area where we typically hunt. We did see more bear sign and during one lunch watched a young bear wander by camp cleaning up the apples we thought the deer were cleaning up at night.

There has always been a bear presence far removed from camp and seeing deer on that side of the mountain has been rare. So there is more scouting needed to find another place. We cannot legally hunt bear in that portion of WV. Frankly I have zero desire to hunt bear. My cousin on the other hand is hoping the state DNR will notice the increase in the population and establish a season before he no longer can.

In a few days I’ll visit KY for the start of their rifle season. There are rumors of boar competing with the deer population for forage. I haven’t seen evidence of this. Eyes open.

It doesn’t matter if I fail to bring home meat this year. Since last December I’ve been a weekday vegetarian and this has left an embarrassing amount of venison in the freezer.

While I was out and about my D house sat and fed the pets. I will take advantage of her offer again later this week. She said she enjoyed the break from S and DIL and last night DIL expressed appreciation of here return to their house. I guess a little absence to make the heart grow fonder is at play or perhaps it just having another adult around to assist with the child responsibilities.