Well, sounds like you had a good weekend...AND I'm so happy he stayed home last night, instead of going out!!! Yay!!!
About wine...seriously, I'm not an alcoholic by any means...but here lately, there is nothing like a glass of wine and a good book or a long, hot bubble bath....
Anywho....I'm proud of you for looking within yourself these past few days. I really liked what you said about sarcasm. I'm very sarcastic, too...and do the "eye-rolling" thing a lot...and when I read your post, I was just hit between the eyes with how disrespected my H must feel after all these years of that. WOW. Something I need to do a 180 on immediately!
And, I, too, took a break from the boards for a few days. You know, the vets tell us to do that from time to time...and it's good advice. Helps us sort through stuff...helps us take a break from all the marital woe...helps us come back refreshed and ready to tackle things.
I really think your H is starting to see your changes, Pud...I really, really do. Keep at it. You are doing a great job!!!
Hey Ang! Well he did go out but didn't stay out all night like I thought he would. So hopefully it really was just a night out at the bar watching football.
Anyhoo, I agree about the glass (or four) of wine, it really helps just to relax the brain a little bit. I need to do a bubble bath! I hate my tub though.
I know you have a hard time getting books, but there is a really good one called For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn that delves deep into the male psyche about how they take things in from us. Things that we don't see as harmful but yet they do damage. Very good, insightful read. This would be an excellent book for you and your sitch.
Yes, sarcasm is hard to break. It was an embedded trait in my entire family so it just seemed natural. I had an enlightening the last time I was on these boards about how hurtful it really is and is only a form of anger.
I hope you are right Ang about him seeing differences. Since I hear nothing it is really hard to tell. I've asked him at least 3 times to let me know what he thinks I could change, but he has yet to do that. He always says ok I will think on that. I think he knows that if he digs that deep he will have to face his own demons as well and he is not ready for that. I only hope that he will want to make changes within himself someday so that he can be a better version of himself.
I really appreciate your words of wisdom and kindness. You are way smarter than you give yourself credit for.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Looks like I need to start a new thread, but I'll answer you hear, uR.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Hi Pud. Glad you are doing well.
Just a couple of things, if I may.
You are still having expectations. Still basing your feelings and actions on his, ya know?
You need to live your life without regard to his words and actions.
Yes, I know I am. I am one who likes to get feedback on how to improve and I don't get that from him at all. But I do understand what you are saying. I do still do this a lot.
Quote:
I have talked about having a roadmap for me. As a way of figuring out how to navigate through all this and well, through life, really.
I decided who I wanted to be, how I wanted to act. I did it everyday. Sometimes I made it, sometimes I didnt. But that was always the goal.
I'm not sure I know how to do this...can you give an example? I thought I had responded to cat with this type of thing.
Quote:
So, how are you going to live a life of truth and grace and kindness?
What are you going to do differently than what you do now?
hmmm... 1) Stand for my marriage 2) Be forgiving of myself and others 3) Not try to control life's situations 4) Give in to a higher power 5) Believe that I am strong and wonderful 6) Accept people for who they are 7) Not react to every situation 8) Avoid sarcasm
Am I on the right track? Or do I still not get it?
Thank uR.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Hey Pud, I know you want feedback, but, you cant get it from your MLCer, ya know?
You have to figure out who you want to be on your own. He is dealing with his own stuff.
My roadmap was that I wanted to act with dignity, strength and courage. I wanted to be able to look back at this time and see that I have grown and changed. I wanted to do nothing to interfere with the relationship between my son and his father.
With that roadmap, I knew how I wanted to act throughout all this. When I wasnt sure, I referred back to it.
