Fog City Coaster continues

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Nothing really to update. Here is where I am at today:

W and I have had a total of 4 text exchanges since we met up on Oct. 15 (three weeks ago). The last exchange I asked for a picture of me in a Halloween costume that she has on her PC. She said that she would send it to me. This was last Wednesday. She never sent the pic. We have had no contact since then.

[JayMan]

I wouldn't see any harm in sending another one that says, "Hey I almost forgot, but did you ever find that picture of me?"

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Yeah I think I am gonna let this one go. W has multiple bosses asking her for a million things all day long. She doesn't need to be pestered about this by me. I was gonna show the pic to my students, but since it is past Halloween, I don't really care now. I just wrote about it here because it was one of my four exchanges with w over the last three weeks... I am still trying to let all the 2x4s 25 gave me sink in... I will probably contact w in the next couple of days in attempt to make her day better.

[FlyOnTheWall]

I'll defer to 25, cause she's got this stuff down!!!

I'd have said myself, NOT to contact her, if she wants to hear from you, she'll call. You seem to keep having some kind of expectation when you attempt comms. I think you have to risk letter her go, before there can be any attempt for her to come back, but that's my thinking.

25 used to really set me straight too.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

ask yourself how desired your wife felt in the marriage. How much did you SHOW her you wanted her and were willing to pursue her? Be honest about it.

I don't hear ANYTHING about pursuing her here. When we say "read the rules" we don't say they ALL apply. if you were neglectufl, or inattentive, then playing it cool is NOT the best route for you.

This is what I am most conflicted because I think this hits the nail on the head for my sitch. When BD occurred in February I spent about a week trying to be he the best h possible. When w started leaving the house for days at a time without telling me where she was going, I went dark. I never begged or pleaded. One time I said "you are breaking my heart and I would prefer you stay, but I understand that the M is over to you".. That's it.

I remember my sister got angry with me for not trying. I said pursuing will push her away.

I have pursued a little from time to time ...Vegas trip invite, one of the time we got together I initiated, ... Sometimes when I pursue I feel like she pulls back a bit.. When that happens I pull way back

Maybe it is time to try a more persistent pursuit, even though it goes against 99% of the advice I get here. Eg. See fly above

[JayMan]

2nd - how long has your W been moved out? During that time, how many "real" conversations have you had, beyond idle chit-chat or texting?

[FlyOnTheWall]

LOL, that's why I deferred to 25. Like I said she's got this stuff down.

Here's why I made the comment after telling you to listen to 25. You think theres another man now. It does change the dynamic a little, and since she went to see her father (or old boyfriend in your opinion). You haven't had much contact since, by her choice.

If its truly an old boyfriend, there always seems to be this "connection" that the normal affair doesn't have to go thru. That trial and error process had long been played out. Now the other man gets to play the sympathy card, ie. losing you was the worst mistake I've ever made (true or not). She might be thinking its time to give it another try. Then after a few weeks she truly finds out he's the same jerk he was before. But she needs to discover that for herself. Yea a lot of guessing here, but she's already almost no contact now.

I don't envy your position, that's for sure.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

W and I haven't been living together since mid March. We have actually been in each other's presence 7 or 8 times since then. Initially we met at the gym a few times and hardly talked. More recently we have had dinner together. We only came close to an Relationship talk twice when she said we shouldn't have sex because I (me not her) would get too emotionally involved and she has no feelings for me. The other time was May or June when we met for drinks after she had text me that she would always love me .. At drinks she clarified that she loves me but is not in love with me...

Mostly we enjoy each other's company and except the time that sex came up she texts me after saying she misses me. Light no pressure get together is pretty much all we have had.

Our communication is very limited... Example: 4 texts exchanges consisting to two or three texts in the last three weeks

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Fly: actually it is total mind reading on my part. .. And my guess is more like "sex buddy" rather than boy friend.. It is really just based on me knowing my w... W has a wild side ...

[JayMan]

@2nd - so are you in a cheeseless tunnel? I think that's what I'd review. Has your W specifically said, "Leave me alone, don't contact me, etc"?