I am not really trying to figure out what her motive is or read into why she is sharing. Just encouraging her to share, validate that she has whatever feelings she has and try to examine them a bit if she will.
Neither of us has been very good at dealing with emotions in the past. I was not very supportive in listening to her feelings, validating them or encouraging her to look into them more. My tendency was more to try to fix and provide a solution rather than just listen and try to get an understanding. So at this point I am just trying to do those things, and let her find her own solutions.
I think you are doing the right thing here. Listen to her and validate, don’t try to offer advice unless she asks for it. I have actually asked my W before when she started a sharing conversation if she wanted me to respond or just listen and she told me just listen. As far as her talking about OM, if YOU can handle it, I think it would be great to let her talk. If it will trigger you or cause you to not be able to remain empathetic and calm, then don’t.
Originally Posted By: NoMoreMistakes
After the talk yesterday, I had time to think and came up with some questions that I have been asking myself and that I think would help W figure out some of her confusion. I wanted to email the questions to her this morning, but decided against it. I dont want to push her now. If it comes up again or if she asks for my advice, then I will give it but for now I will be happy for her that she is considering IC and not interject yet.
Be careful not to fix or offer how to… Let her drive the conversations for now.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
