Great posts this morning! I'll respond to them in a little bit. Y'all all gave me a lot to think about.
I just got off the phone with a local pastor who specializes in marriage counseling. His reputation is amazing around here...and he feels a "calling" to do what he does to save marriages so he doesn't charge anything for the counseling...which is so awesome because I cannot afford it right now!
He talked with me for half an hour by phone, gave me some "homework" to read and think about, and I'm supposed to meet with him and his wife next week. I feel hopeful!
His advice was so great! First of all, hearing things from a man's perspective was really valuable about the way I've been reacting to H, etc. He gave me some great tips on being a kinder, nicer wife, while not being a doormat...but also, lots of things he said were in line with the DBing principles.
The last thing he said to me really stood out (because H and I had already been fighting this morning via text about whether H should just go ahead and move all his stuff out. I was not being very helpful, in my hurt and anger, I told him I just wanted his crap gone...and he told me that he still owns half this house so he can do whatever he wants, etc....it was not a pleasant or good convo)....anyway, the counselor said:
Please slow down. Just slow down and breathe. You both need to take time to just relax and just think. So many people in their hurt and anger think they just have to make a decision right now...they have to get separated or divorced right now...but that is so false. Just slow down. Use this week until our first session to work on being your best self and on working on your R with God...and give your H some space. He probably does need some distance right now to think clearly, too.
I was like, "WOW!" This guy gets it!
I won't hold my breath, but H did say yesterday that he "might" be open to talking with this pastor, C, who we both already know and like.
I also don't know how H's MLC will affect any of this...I'm thinking he won't be open to counseling right now...but that's okay. I'm going to go and I'm going to work on being a more awesome me!
In the meantime, I will be working on DBing better this week...the "space" thing really worked well with my H last week, until the bomb drop about the maybe/maybe not affair (still not sure what THAT craziness was about...but whatever!).
Until then, things were rocking along...I had been anxious about the space, but H commented that it really helped him.
So, I am working on me. Will do the homework assigned by my new C.
I know not everyone on these boards believes in God (so I'm not trying to offend anyone)..but I do believe in Him. And the C today made me realize just how distant I've been from my faith. I've been hurt, mad, rejected, sad, etc. and have just not been leaning on that higher power at all. The guy today helped me to see that I need to turn my focus back to that, too.
