wife hardens heart-5

[planet]

I have been here for quite sometime now. With the help of many, I pushed through initial struggles and was forced to face the hard truth.

I learned that a man must put his wife first and should have protected her feelings. Anyway, something really missing was how we did not manage communicating our wants and needs to each other in the right way.

I know my family said and did some wrong things that have hurt her feelings. Although those are true events but something XW did miss out was there wasn't any malice intended. Nobody was going out in their way to hurt her and it is unfortunate that she kept replaying it in her head as if it happened every single day. She is torturing herself and I wish she could seek help.

I got past my fear of being replaced as a father. I know my kids will always know who their old man is if I do my part right. Actually my relationship them improved after BD. I found so much joy in them.

I also learned that this M have to end before a new one is too begin. Letting go is hard. Uncertainty is very difficult. I am aware that I'm relatively new in this process and must practice lots of patience.

The 180s still confuses me. I'm not sure if my changes were due to heighten awareness due to DB. Can it be permanent?

Right now, I am more concerned about my two girls. They seemed so confused. D4 not behaving like she used to. D3 almost calling me by OM's name a number of times. They are just too young to be thrown into this mess. All I want is to protect them.

Recent events have completely thrown me off track. I really do not know how to deal with XW and especially D4. It is frustrating. If I keep this up, I know resentment will sip in. I don't want that to happen.
I have never deal with so many things at once. Problems with M, problems with kids, problems with money, problems at work, problems in starting a business, prodigal son guilt, etc. The one thing I find most difficult is finding the true ME.

Damn that 'nothing happens in randomness' keeps playing in my head for days now. What is it I'm to learn?