Intro - hoping for support/advice on DBing

[melissag]

Woke up at 5 a.m. with a mini panic attack. Ugh. So of course have nothing to do but think (since kids and H are still asleep). One thing I am struggling with. I am trying to respect H's need for space by not fighting him on moving out, avoiding arguments (i.e., I told him he should take whatever he wants with him, just let me know so I can replace things if necessary), etc. I have made it clear that I do not want him to do this (in a quiet but direct way - meaning, I have said as much but not argued or acted pathetic about it). But I still wonder . . . does he think I am just letting him go and don't care? Or does he see that it is killing me inside but I am putting his needs first? Or does he (most likely) think none of that, as he's not particularly concerned about what I am doing/thinking right now?

I just don't want him to feel that he isn't wanted. Because he is. But I know I can't tell him that. It's hard when the WAS feels that he wasn't loved enough, then not to be able to show him that love.

I realized another big thing I need to work on is trying to control him. For example - he wants to take our "nice" dishes with him when he leaves. (They are not fine china or anything, just our nicer set.) So, of course, I immediately imagine why does he want the nice dishes? OMG what if he is going to have some woman over for dinner? Or have a party for New Year's Eve and not invite me,and he will be kissing someone else at midnight? Nooooo, I can't let him take those dishes! Oy. I have to calm myself down, and remember that I have *no* idea why he wants our nice dishes. It could just be that he is trying to be kind and not take the things I use everyday (he is obviously doing that in may other situations). I have no idea and I can't read his mind. And how does not letting him take the dishes help? It doesn't. He will think I am being controlling and argumentative, and then he will go out and buy some dishes anyway.

Am I the only crazy person who thinks this way? Would love any tips about how to stop this. I need a mantra! (I mean, besides, "stop being a crazy person.")