Where am I at?

[Icecoldw]

Thanks fly, before I would never reach out for help, I would always keep my emotions bottled up up inside and now I am trying to process and work through them.

I have been forcing myself to eat, can't afford to lose any weight, I'm already the smallest tech at work. That means I get stuck going in all the tight spaces nobody else in the shop can fit into.

Going to see my pastor we'd and talk with him, will ask him how he thinks I'm doing. I went to him right when the whole

Talked with my dad this past weekend and we started to talk about mom and he made the comment that us kids learned to put there mother on a pedestal because of that I think I have learned to put the woman I'm with on a pedestal and not treat them like a regular person that makes mistakes.

My oldest son has been calling more, I think he's worried about me. We talked about his mom, and I'm glad that we didn't work things out, she sounds like she is still messed up. Can't keep a job, been living with a guy for the past 10 years, you never know if they are together or not. I think it is a codependent relationship. Makes me wonder If my w leaving isn't a bad thing, wonder if I really did love her or just the idea of marriage. I know I am getting more comfortable during the week when she is not here verses the weekend when she is here.

I guess god will unveil his plan for me when I'm ready