Deciding What to Do.....

[25yearsmlc]

Gosh No it's not wrong to want your m.


But IF, and I repeat, IF,

if your analysis is accurate

and if he's really "done", plus or he has gone too far for you to imagine another reconciliation,

then I'd say it's not a very healthy thing to keep wanting what you know is not going to be yours AND OR is not going to be good for you.

Bottom line is that I believe where the head goes, the heart will follow,

if we let it.

If you KNOW this man is a serial cheater, (well he was with you and that is all that matters).

Don't wallow in whether he'd have been faithful if only you were worthy, b/c that's NOT how it is.

I posit that HE would not have come back the first time, OR married you, if you were not worthy, AND maybe HE IS JUST REALLY FLAWED and looks for external change to fix what is missing in Him...

and if so, how long do you want to spend time feeling so badly about choices HE has made that have nothing much to do with You?

You're literally letting someone else dictate how YOU feel in a given hour on a given day...and he's not there, he could be miles away.

That's no way to live MSN.

Let your head talk to your heart and GAL a lot more. You have to JOIN, VOLUNTEER or ATTEND New groups and things...this month. Volunteer over Thanksgsiving weekend. Do you have extended family or nieces or nephews. Do both of you have no children? Anyhow,

Here are some of the things I did when I was fighting some depression and a stressful marital challenge
AND had a newborn baby (and 2 other kids)
AND I was living in the interior of Alaska...

I worked out and got in shape and I really looked my best

(Since I had a newborn, I scheduled with our older kids to help, or used the gym that had daycare)

I joined a writer's group. There, I mMet some smart people who had interesting things to say and cool ways of saying them.

I used a tanning booth (B/c even though skin cancer risks were bad, it was still better than blowing my brains out...if you take my point) It FELT like an anti depressant.

I saw a therapist, and in the winter I took some anti-depressants.


I volunteered at a woman's shelter. I helped people, they were grateful and I felt glad to be in my own life. Felt empowered.


I took a Conversational French class and later, studied Italian cooking class.

I also did stand up comedy there (they needed to laugh!)

I auditioned for local community theater roles. Met super fun people.

I learned to cross country ski, and went deep sea fishing and yes I hunted some big game too. Did a lot of target shooting too.

Joined the Bd of Director's for Alaskan Wrestling, as our son wrestled and it was a good way to meet other parents and support the team.

I learned to fly a plane, and I got my pilot's license AND I went skydiving. (Thaese two things were the ONLY GAL activities that costs much.
The symbolism of skydiving was crucial for ME, internally and spiritually).

I edited a hunting book. Jobs were scarce, I could do it from home. Turned out to be a best seller in its genre.

I volunteered at the kids' schools for PTA and field trips when possible.

I coached a girls softball team, twice.


I studied pottery class (Very unlike me).

I painted a few colorful paintings to get some color on our WHITE walls (with the snow outside the landscape often looked like black and white film).

I finally joined the Officer's Wives Club (I had resisted that for out-dated reasons). I'd been a fool for delaying.

I made two LIFE LONG friends there, and without those women, I am not sure I'd have made it through 3 winters there.

I'd visit a sunny area each January and get my sunshine fix.

I learned to snow mobile nearly every day in the winter, so I'd be outside.



In sum, I forced myself to MEET NEW PEOPLE, LEARN NEW THINGS,
GO TO NEW DIFFERENT places...and Do new things, discovered things about myself, like that I'm versatile and outgoing and I like me.

MSN, you're upset of course. But instead of feeling shame, let that be HIS and you instead can be proud that you trusted and forgave, and now you learned that you don't have to work on that anymore for now. He's not even asking you to.

For me, and I suspect you, INERTIA was the greatest obstacle.

I did not EVER regret getting out of the house for one of these GAL activities but yet I seemed to want to make excuses a lot not to. Don't surrended to the excuses to hide from the world.

That's inertia and depression and surrendering and getting/staying in a rut.

Recognize that for what it is, and OVERCOME it.
YOU CAN and YOU MUST.