WAS left, focusing on me, DB'ing like an amateur

[AnotherStander]

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I figure it's because I was replaying the conversation in my head over and over. Apparently I'm not doing a good job of detaching.

The convo went well, but it doesn't change the fact that your W thinks she's done. It's going to be a long, long time before she might change her mind on that. What you did right is you had a convo with her in which the M and R were NOT discussed. I suspect you're questioning now whether you should have pushed for that R talk, but the reason it worked is because you didn't. The lesson is to keep doing what works The convo actually reminds me of my W early on, she said similar things about things seeming strange.

I'm just not sure whether to keep trying to DB and hope I can be a DB success story.

The good thing about DB'ing is if you do it right then you are a success story no matter what happens to your M. Most DB'ers eventually reach a point where they know they are going to not just survive, but thrive whether with or without their spouse. That's success. Yes we do hope it's with the spouse, but that's not always possible.

Or if she is really "done." She didn't bring up anything about the D or say it's still what she knows is right. I didn't get any opportunities to clarify her thoughts in that area.

For heaven's sake, don't "clarify" that! If she doesn't bring it up then that's a GOOD sign. When the WAS quits talking about D then it usually means they've put it on the back burner. That's a good sign that time is on your side. But if you bring it up it's just going to put pressure on her all over again.

How do you know if what you're doing is the right thing?

If you're growing and becoming a better person, the best possible you, then you're doing the right things.