THANK YOU, THANK YOU, everyone who took the time to respond. I've had an exhausting day and am just now getting to sit and read this. Your thoughts and advice have been so great!
My day has been a complete disaster with so many twists and turns. I don't even know where to start.
I did not sleep at all last night. I tried and just couldn't. I got the kiddos off to school and wondered if H would do as promised and come home to "talk".
Two hours passed from when he should have been home and I found out that they had let out early the night before. Nobody was on shift last night after midnight.
So, I am ashamed to say that all DBing went out the window. I grabbed the H's bags that I had already packed yesterday and headed to the town where he works. I texted him on the way and said I was leaving his bags by the gates at his job.
About the time I got there, he texted and "said" he had decided to stay with a friend last night because I was so mad. And that he wanted to talk. We met at a city park and talked for FOUR hours.
It was a disaster. We went around and around with him insulting me and blaming me and how I'd "ruined" the OW's lives, etc. He was making ME crazy with how stupid his behavior and words were. I asked him to get out of my car so I could leave and he refused. It was like trying to reason with a pouting 2-year old.
I asked for lots of details about the affair. By the time we left the park, we'd gone over and over stuff. But "he" wanted to work it out.
I have two really amazing friends who had called to see how I was doing this morning and I had unloaded everything on them. They asked if I'd come by one of their houses to chat so when I left the park, I did.
We prayed, we talked, we went over my options. As Christian women, they were very much in line with DBing principles. BUT, as I told my story of my WHOLE marriage...it became very, very obvious that my marriage hasn't been a good one in a long, long time. It hasn't just been since this MLC started.
My H is a liar, a manipulator, and an emotional abuser.
They got me in touch with a Christian counselor in our area who sees people and couples for free. I *hopefully* have an appointment tomorrow with this guy and his wife. I'm really looking forward to it. I know this couple and they are really awesome so I know I'll be in good hands.
Here's the next BOMBSHELL. I got home so find H waiting on me..wondering where I'd been. I didn't go into details. He told me to sit down...that he had something really important to tell me.
He said that he made up the sexual affair. Completely made up the whole thing. When he showed me the picture, again, that I saw on his phone of him and girl in bed, it was very obvious is was a younger him. He says the picture was sent to him recently by his divorced buddy from the old days, etc.
The thing is, when he went on this trip to Mexico, I was 7 months pregnant with H's child. We weren't married yet, but H admitted today that he cheated on me when he went on that trip. But, he keeps insisting that the affair he told me about yesterday was completely made up to convince me to leave him. That he wishes I would just "give up already" and that he knew it would make me so mad that I'd kick him out. Which he says I now did because I brought him his bags of clothes.
At this point, it doesn't matter to me whether he really had a recent sexual affair or not. He did cheat on me while I was PG with our first child...and that still hurts. AND, if he is making up the sexual affair....WHO DOES THAT TO SOMEONE???
I was so upset that I was throwing up, etc. He's a psycho!
When he was leaving for work this evening, I made an offhand remark about seeing him tomorrow, and he looked at me and said, "um, no, you kicked me out. Remember? My bags are at J's house...I'll be staying there. I'll come around in the afternoon to see the kids."
So, wonderful, wise people of the boards....where do I go from here. H may, or may not, have had a recent sexual affair with a girl at work. He most certainly had one when I was PG with our first child, but not married...and in his words, "young, stupid and drunk". He is claiming now that I've "kicked him out" and that, as of tomorrow, we'll be separated.
He also said tonight that he's tried to have feelings for me but just can't and he's done. But later, he was making remarks that alluded to our future together.
I'm just numb. I mean, how much can one person take???
So, what now? If he is such scum, and has been for years...then, do I want him? Do I want an R with him at all?
Hopefully, I'll meet with the counseling couple tomorrow...maybe that will help.
In the meantime, I'm not crying at all....I'm not even that upset. That worries me.
