Renewing...

[lovethehub]

I can't fault Jon, I was weak too, and the ML during this phase was incredible. It's almost new again... the marriage is in the process of being reset, it took place in a new place, etc etc.

He's following the script I went through, but in fast-forward mode. His timeline is mine in compressed form.

Jon, just be careful, I think you still have many ups and downs, and some possible pains coming still.

I agree. I see huge red flags in the fact that it is taking W this long to break off all contact. Her excuse that they are just friends, she can't imagine hurting him and she isn't attracted to him anyway sounds like a bunch of you know what. Guess what? I know I may be wrong, however, I did the very same thing and it wasn't for any of the reasons I told my H, it was because I didn't want to do it because I didn't want OM completely out of my life. If she was done, she would be done and she would respect you, your M and your R enough to give him up in every way.

I did set it. I think I'm going to approach it a little differently - instead of standing over W and barking demands, I'm just going to reject any invitation or time together, period. She'll want to know why, and then I'll give her the reason, and move on. To me that's a better way to show a boundary anyway, because it's less about control and more about your own actions.

For example, we're supposed to go to an anniversary dinner on Saturday. If she hasn't done the no contact thing by then, then we won't go.

I also responded to the Thanksgiving thing, and told her that sounded interesting, but wouldn't happen if the no contact text wasn't sent.

You can't waffle like this. You set the boundary, you ignored the boundary when W was naked, and now the boundary is back in place. You can't just put it back in place and expect W to know this. At this point, if you want it back in place, you need to let her know. "W, I realize I lost my head in the excitement of having sex with you again, however, I know in my heart that if we are truly going to R, you must cut off all contact with OM. I don't mean to confuse you, I was confused myself, however, for my own sake, I cannot continue to do this until I know you have cut off all contact" And then stick to it.

I don't know how much is TMI, but she said she hasn't been "satisfied" since the last time we ML back in early August. Believe me, she's probably getting significantly more from the appointments than I am; I'm a considerate guy, lol. Ok, moving on!!!

Just for the record, we all say this. I told my h we only had sex a few times, that I didn't do certain things that I did, that it wasn't that good. What else is she going to say?

She also said that she has never stopped loving me, and that's part of the reason that the "fog" broke - the PA made her feel so disgusting and dead inside. (She didn't call it the fog, she just said her mind cleared)

I get what you're saying though. If she hadn't ended the PA on her own, dismissed the divorce on her own, started wearing rings, went "public" with us and even suggested I tell mutual friends she was in 100% and pray for us - I would probably be more skeptical. I don't know.

There is definitely a part of her that isn't done, and a part of her that is ready to try to R. Is it all of her? Time will tell. It doesn't sound like it is, not yet. How patient can you be? How long are you willing to try? If you have seen any of my posts to others, I played this game with my H for years. He didn't always know about OM, it wasn't physical for the majority of it, however, I couldn't let him go emotionally for years. I couldn't let my H go either.

I think NTX is right that she isn't done yet. I hope we are wrong, just be careful and don't forget to keep DBing.