Ice, damn, your a mess, I've been there, oh how I've been there. Its so early that everyday your bouncing off the walls, cant work, cant eat, don't sleep, and you just don't care. I lost 45 lbs the first 2 months cause I think I ate once a week if that.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is ask why? ask what if? or ask why not? There will be no answers that will either make sense or that you'll be happy with. Don't try to do things hoping your wife will notice, im sorry, really sorry but right now, she doesn't care at all, no matter what you do.
This is a time that you really need to find things for yourself to do to keep you busy. I know it feels IMPOSSIBLE, and at times your mind will take over, but you are going to have to letting it control you. The other thing is, and its fairly common, STOP taking all the blame, understand your part, and work on some of that but she's just as at fault as you are. Your letting your guild cripple you right now, been there done that. I promise this gets easier over time.
Understand that it took your marriage YEARS to get to this point, and it might, if possible, take YEARS to address. I'm saying this because if you think theres a chance she's home by xmas, its HIGHLY unlikely. Maybe even not by next xmas.
Get into some counseling please, it will help with some of your interactions, or reactions by some of your reads. Try to understand believe none of what she says, and half of what she does. It might even get worse before it can get better. Its best to detach (the mother of all pain to get there).
Right now, the affair is fun, non-responsible, no rules, everything she's missed out on in life, and the blame could get even worse, so prepare. DO NOT BRING IT UP, learn to not go there, stop asking questions, get out of the house yourself, with friends or family and do your best to have your own outlets.
Wish I could come pick your butt up and get you out of the house, its important that you do that. Its important that you find things to do. Stay strong, did you pick up a copy of the Divorce Remedy yet?
