Where am I at?

[Icecoldw]

Listening to my w this weekend, she said I was always neutral about my feelings or showing feelings. Right now,I feel like I am bi-polar, she even agreed. So by me losing my temper this weekend, is that a good 180 or bad? I mean if I were neutral, by showing something wouldn't that show some passion?

I was talking to a female friend to day, I have been talking to her to get a female perspective, and she said that maybe why my w wants out quicker is because maybe she is seeing the changes and getting scared she might change her mind and stay. She also thinks that maybe there is no om and that her friends are influencing her decision. She is having some issues of her own and her gf said she could move in with her and that got her thinking.

I know that when my w started this job, she was put in with a group of people that seemed to click. She would tell me( when she use to talk to me ) how much fun they would have and would stick around after work and talk. Now that group has been split up, not as much fun. That is when I think she started to cook us dinner again and I thought she was coming back.

I am just so damn confused right now and the pain is incredible at times. It's hard to focus on me when I was brought up to be selfless and to help people, to sacrifice my needs. I think that is why I spent 26 years in the military ( active army and air national guard) and why I am a service tech. I fix equipment that is broken, that is why it is hard for me to not try and fix what's wrong in my relationships. To stand by and watch some one you love struggle and try not help is extremely hard. Something I have to over come.