Me 1 year on pt2.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks planet, yes too many people in our lives, just say the old "get over it". Until you have been in this position, you will never know what it is like. Even then, depending on whether you are the LBS or the WAS, as that also changes your view.
I will start talking to my sons, when I get back home. I cannot and shouldn't do it over the phone. But again, I am sure I was told not to have them become involved, but maybe that was more on the asking questions, rather than just simply talking about us as a family.
With regards to moving on, I think I have already reached that spot, or very close to it. Yes, there will always be some form of emotion, but I have no worrying about what things mean if she does this or doesn't do that. I have worried for ages where she is going or where she has been. And I agree, I will be alright regardless. Especially now, the home loans have been approved, in speaking with the manager. Still has to have the final ok from head office, but more a formality now.

[Fartiltre]

HWA & MrBond

I will start talking to my sons, when I get back home.

Why not? Your "kids" are 20 and 18. They're adults. Just air things out with them. I'm sure they have alot to say also.

I just want to make sure that the two of you are talking about the same thing and what’s in the term “just air things out”

I advised HWA several months ago to NOT talk to boys about the sit and to remember his father character in all of this. That’s still my opinion but since MrBonds experience is way bigger than mine I would properly go with his advice as well.
…that said: I do believe it is very important that the two of you understand what the other person is saying.

F

[MrBond]

No one is telling him to "bash" his W. He just needs to "talk".

[TryingToDo180]

HWA, I'm sorry to hear about your current sitch with your flatmate I would hate it! It's good to vent on here, but it's not the same as talking to someone face to face.
I know what you mean about people saying "get over it", that really winds me up as well.
I can't think of any solution to your problem with your flatmate, apart from handing him over to God. I see that you go to Church which is why I'm saying this to you. Have you heard the saying "let go and let God"? It's basically saying don't do anything, have faith and God will sort out your problems for you. I've done this with my problems, sometimes it's instant and sometimes it takes a bit of time. In this instance, I think God will sort it out sooner rather than later. You just need faith and trust in God
I would give you examples of this, but then I'll be hijacking your thread Take care of yourself

[TryingToDo180]

HWA, I've given you an example of letting go and letting God on my thread

[hotwheelsaust]

Somedays I am strong, some days I am weak. Some days I believe I am doing the right thing, some days I don't believe I have done the right thing.
Somedays I simply give up, cannot do this anymore, don't want to do this anymore. Somedays I want to do my best.
Somedays you simply wonder what am I hoping to achieve, yes a better me, a more positive me, but in truth am I achieving this?

A big issue I have been having in the last few days, is the flatmate. But more importanly when you have spent the last year trying to better yourself, trying to be a better person and then get told so many things from one person that puts your self esteem donwn, that makes you think that everything your tried to be was in vain or didn't come across as any better than what I was before BD. I start to ponder it all. Is this why nothing in my sitch has changed? Because I really haven't changed? Am I still the same person, but I simply think I am better?

I am questioning everything I have done or doing. My latest thoughts are that I would pay out the W for the value of the houses and then take over the loans. I was doing this for me, and for my boys, so that there is always a place for them to visit, stay at, or take over if need be.

I hate this rollercoaster ride.

Maybe it is getter harder as I see the W has really made her mind up, it is over

[TryingToDo180]

I know these are only your thoughts and ponderings, so I'll add my thoughts and ponderings to this
I feel that I've changed since H left me, but in a different way to what H would like me to. He says I've not changed because the house is still cluttered and there's cat hairs! I've changed because I validate him and don't argue with him like I used to. I don't always want the last word either.
I'm sure you have changed, but you know the old saying - You can't please everyone all of the time, but you can please some people some of the time
Try not to let your flatmate bully you. Turn the other cheek and let him slap that one as well. That just popped into my head and I've just realised that that was the gospel message on Sunday from Luke chapter 6 verse 29

[hotwheelsaust]

TTD180, that quote made me smile, thanks. Yeah why not while I am down, he might as well kick me too.

They are thoughts and ponderings, but even without the flatmate issue, they are still things that are in my head.

I suppose it is the lack of feedback (apart from flatmate), the lack of people who genarally want to know how I am doing, that causes this type of pain.

The being by yourself a lot is causing hardship. Yes, this will change once back in the city, in less than 6 weeks.

[Not Quitting]

HWA, didn't you say others had problems with your flatmate? That should prove that he's the one with the problem and that it is certainly not you. Try keeping that in mind when dealing with him. That and remembering you've only got 6 weeks left before you're out of there and someone else will have to deal with him and his issues.

Start looking ahead to what you can do to GAL and boost your PMA once you're back in the city. Those 6 weeks will go quickly and you'll be back in the city before you know it.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks NQ, yes it is true, others who have shared with him before have had issues. It is simply when you don't feel so great about yourself (at times), hearing someone putting you down, just leads to more negative thoughts about yourself. Whether those statements or my thoughts are wrong, it still hurts.
My focus is, and has to be, less than 6 weeks to go. I am so looking forward to the GALing and PMA back home. It will allow me to do so many more things.

I should be getting the letter from the solicitor this week, so I can also move ahead and purchase the properties from the W. All splitting of assets will then be done. Only one thing left after that. D.