Me 1 year on pt2.

[hotwheelsaust]

Somedays I am strong, some days I am weak. Some days I believe I am doing the right thing, some days I don't believe I have done the right thing.
Somedays I simply give up, cannot do this anymore, don't want to do this anymore. Somedays I want to do my best.
Somedays you simply wonder what am I hoping to achieve, yes a better me, a more positive me, but in truth am I achieving this?

A big issue I have been having in the last few days, is the flatmate. But more importanly when you have spent the last year trying to better yourself, trying to be a better person and then get told so many things from one person that puts your self esteem donwn, that makes you think that everything your tried to be was in vain or didn't come across as any better than what I was before BD. I start to ponder it all. Is this why nothing in my sitch has changed? Because I really haven't changed? Am I still the same person, but I simply think I am better?

I am questioning everything I have done or doing. My latest thoughts are that I would pay out the W for the value of the houses and then take over the loans. I was doing this for me, and for my boys, so that there is always a place for them to visit, stay at, or take over if need be.

I hate this rollercoaster ride.

Maybe it is getter harder as I see the W has really made her mind up, it is over