I'm a little confused about not believing anything H says and only half of what he does. Is the point of that just that I shouldn't go on this roller coaster with him, and instead focus on myself? Is the suggestion that they will lie, or that they are confused, or what?
Yes. It means your H is like a crazy person that is capable of rationalizing saying or doing practically anything, so don't let those things he says or does get to you.
You are cool as a cucumber. You are an emotional rock. What he says and does DOES NOT AFFECT YOU. Got it?
Originally Posted By: melissag
When I am DBing and I am looking to test things out, I kind of have to believe some of his reaction, right? Sorry, maybe I am being too over analytical.
Believe his consistent actions more than his words, but really the focus needs to be on yourself. Your most paramount and most difficult task is going to be detaching...getting off of his roller coaster.
Originally Posted By: melissag
By the way, how does one get a PMA?
The best way is to GAL. Find things that bring you joy outside of your M.
Originally Posted By: melissag
And one more question . . . what is your mindset with all of this? Do you allow yourself to think that things are going to work out with your spouse? How do you keep that hope there, without relying on it to get you through each day? That is one of the things I am having trouble with.
You are correct. Hope and expectations easily and naturally go together, and it's important to segregate the two...to have hope, but not expectations.
How?
It's a journey and you have to dig in hard and do the work.
I wish I had more time to post, but there are many others who have more specific (and probably better) advice for you that will come along.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
