wife hardens heart-5

[planet]

Also you didn't answer this completely: Has your W ever put your kids in danger or done something inappropriate with them? You allowed her to make these decisions on her own before, why suddenly do you have to know about it? Is it because you're concerned about their welfare or you want to fight with W?

XW have never put my kids in danger or have done something inappropriate with them. She makes her decisions regarding the kids and informing me later.
I would love to have nothing more than an amicable relationship with XW especially when it comes to our kid's welfare. I would love for us to have some sort of understanding and have mutual decisions regarding the kids.
I do not want to fight her. I do not wish the kids to grow up seeing their parents at odds with each other. I have always maintained that believe.
I'd like to be more involved in my kid's life. I wish I could sent them to classes and actually see them enjoying themselves. I missed that. I think it is unfair that I'm being kept out of the loop. I realized that I'm not a better parent if I knew nothing of the classes.

Admit that you were a poor father before and you are determined to not make the same mistakes. Thank her for "waking" you up. Tell her that even though things are difficult right now, you are appreciative that she made you a better father. The kids deserve that - they deserve you - and now they will have you.

Regarding the classes, try wording it in a way that makes you sound interested in the kids' lives and not that your approval is required. You can always go back to the line, "I was a poor father before, but I won't be making those same mistakes anymore."

Keep ramming the same points home when she questions you. Don't engage in the arguments/bickering/guilt trips. Smile...because you're better than that.

-PM

I have thanked her for waking me up many months back. I told her my wants and feelings regarding the classes she sents and planned to sent my kids to. It is the same reason I wrote above.

Other than allowing a "friend" to become someone the kids call "Daddy" while immaturely creating as much friction as possible along her diligent journey to drive a wedge between a man and his children? I'm not being a smart ass - I DO see her side of the story, but it doesn't justify her actions as "right". Understandable, but still wrong and inappropriate.

IIRC, she has threatened to kill herself on more than one occasion as well as having extremely loud/angry/yelling emotional breakdowns with the children near or present.

-PM

I think I do understand her position. She may want my children to warm up to her new man but I think she is crossing the line between what is right and what is wrong. This confuses the children especially in this short period of time.
XW is truly an emotional being. I have accepted her as she is and never seek to change her. I married her for life.
I have lived with her breakdowns for many years and I admit I have reacted badly in the past. I have stayed relatively calm after BD while venting it later through this forum. I mean I don't react to her moments like I used nor respond to her outburst but I still want her to see my POV.

Although that will probably be difficult at this point.

Do you think I harbor resentment?
Why do you think I'm angry?
I would say yes to resentment up to a certain point. I wished for a second chance and have expressed it to her. I wished that there is no OM and have hoped she would have realized her actions earlier. I wished she could share the going ons in my kid's life with me. I wished she could just let go of her resentment towards my family, it is not good to her well being.
XW told me that she will always love me and would rather die than to not have me. She have repeated this many times in the past and I believed her.
Am I angry? No. I don't go around hurting people around me. I vented my frustrations through this forum and some friends and family. I am upset over this situation I'm in. It seems like there are never ending drama happening.
I'd like nothing more than to be with my kids and having a good time.
Do I blame her? I wrote out my feelings based on my current emotional state in regards to XW's actions. I understand blame. I don't blame her for what's has happened and have defended her from my best friend. I learned why she is behaving the way she is now and her reasons for wanting out.