Intro - hoping for support/advice on DBing

[melissag]

NQ, thanks so much for your response. You are quite right - IRL, not one single person told me I should try to save my M. I do have two close friends who are very supportive of my efforts now that I have explained it, though. So that is good. But, they are married and have no idea what I am going through - they can sympathize but not empathize. So this board is my lifeline.

I'm a little confused about not believing anything H says and only half of what he does. Is the point of that just that I shouldn't go on this roller coaster with him, and instead focus on myself? Is the suggestion that they will lie, or that they are confused, or what? When I am DBing and I am looking to test things out, I kind of have to believe some of his reaction, right? Sorry, maybe I am being too over analytical.

Thanks for all the great words of advice. I am working really hard on not letting my emotions drive my interactions with H. And I think you are right - it may be easier in some ways after he moves out because then I can make sure that every interaction is the way I want it to be, because I will have the time to prepare and make sure I have a PMA.

By the way, how does one get a PMA? I find so far it is more getting rid of a NMA - via exercise is the best way. By 180ing, by GALing. Those things help. Not thinking about the future, what H is doing or what he is thinking help. But that's pretty difficult. I am pretty early in the process, but I am hoping that I can find things that give me a PMA. (Actually, I can think of one - I like wearing nice shoes that click on the floor - it makes me stand taller and feel more attractive. Weird? Maybe.)

And one more question . . . what is your mindset with all of this? Do you allow yourself to think that things are going to work out with your spouse? How do you keep that hope there, without relying on it to get you through each day? That is one of the things I am having trouble with. I start feeling good about GAL, 180ing, his reactions to it, etc. And then one little thing crushes me. (Seeing the new keys on his keychain; him sleeping downstairs on the couch after having been with me the night before; etc.) Would love to hear how others manage their thoughts and expectations.