Living on a roller coaster

[Whiterose]

I think you may want to leave it alone CC You're upset and stressed out over his mental state and I think the conversation could escalate quickly.

I snoop sometimes too, not good for us to do, but it's hard not knowing. Try and get back on the bus and keep moving forward to healing yourself and being there for the kids.

[CallaghanClown]

I won't do anything tonight. I'll sleep on it and decide over time. At the moment I don't want to see or hear from him ever again. Plus he would need to have supervised access with the kids. Fingers crossed I calm down.....because that will be a very hard situation.

[job]

CC,
I agree w/WR, sleep on it for a couple of days. If you decide to confront him, you need to be in a strong emotional state. When speaking to him, have your evidence in hand and look him in the eye while you are speaking to him in a very calm tone. This is business and you will need to wear your business hat.

Sit quietly, the answers will come.

[CallaghanClown]

Ok let me sleep on it. I'm calming down minute by minute.

I need to work out what outcome I want from the confrontation. At the minute I can see nothing other than more heartache......so confrontation is pointless. However I think he needs to know that my friendship will be forever lost, and his life will get significantly harder, if he doesn't start being honest with me.

I'm beginning to care less about his mental health and I'm starting to not want to support him any longer.

[kml]

Do you have a lawyer? If not, you need to get one asap.

You need an order for supervised visitation if you think he's suicidal.

You need an order for support.

You need to protect yourself financially so you can take care of your kids.

You need to be protected from any financial funny business that H is doing.

This does not necessarily mean you are giving up on the relationship, but that you are taking steps to protect you and your kids from his current craziness.

[CallaghanClown]

I think you may be right......time for the finances to be put in order.

I do worry that if I 'lawyer up' he'll become defensive and stop coming to me. He's already told me I'm the only one he can talk to.

Maybe I need to sleep on this too.

[beatrice]

I haven't posted to you before, and forgive me for being blunt but

He's already told me I'm the only one he can talk to.

This is not healthy behaviour on either his part for saying it or yours for receiving it. Do you know about co-dependence? We are not responsible for the actions of another. Anyone who has dealt long term with someone who is suicidal comes to understand this, hard as is sounds. He needs professional help. Whether or not he accepts this need is another matter.

[CallaghanClown]

I completely agree and you are correct we are co dependent. I know this now and am working on my part......but, despite the evidence, I have improved massively.

I didn't know we we're co dependent for 10 years......it's a habit that may take longer than 1.5 months to break. I'm a very caring person, I've never willingly left anyone to suffer anything alone.......except me! I'm working on putting me first, but leaving others to suffer alone is a nightmare for me. I've always considered myself a very strong person, but the discovery that I'm weak, controlling, needy and emotional has been hard to get over......how did I hide that from myself?

I'm still not sure that getting a lawyer is the right move, but I'll get there, just another thing to sleep on!

[labug]

Hey CC, I posted some questions for you in response to your post in my thread.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks labug....I've replied on your thread.

Advice needed.

My H called to ask if I could pick up a prescription for his AD meds. I know he's not taken them yet, but this is a great sign that he looks like he's going to. I really want to give him praise for this because words of affirmation is his LL (I think).

Can anyone give me suggestion on how to word this???