What would you do if you knew it meant her losing her house/apartment, and disrupting kids' lives? Just offer to keep them with you?
That's always an option, albeit a last resort given our sitch. I wouldn't, though, assist her with making her house or car payments, even though my name is still on the lease of the house and the note of the van. I agreed to leave my name on those documents knowing full well she may have financial problems, and I'm willing to sacrifice my credit rating if it comes to that, so she has no leverage over me there, though I wouldn't expect her to try that route.
If she needs to move to a less expensive house (and possibly have the kids change schools AGAIN) and/or replace her van with a more affordable one, that is up to her. That's her financial situation and her reality, and she has to face them. I don't like the effect on the kids - specifically the moving - but shielding her from consequences isn't loving her.
We are free to make our choices, but we are not free to choose our consequences.
I think she is close to hitting some form of a bottom. It'll be interesting to see what she's made of and where she goes from there.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
