So this weekend was rough. Things deteriorated to name calling (my H calling me a failure as a mother due to my abandonment issues and saying that he would in fact take the kids and leave if I couldn't pull it together). He insulted Momma Bear in her den and it took all I had to not lash back out, pull my resources and tell him I would see him in court.
I refrained, but I am very hurt but this. I can understand his frustration and his attempt to motivate but scaring me into seeing the direness of this situation. But fighting fear with fear is like throwing gas on a fire. I broke down, into uncontrollable tears last night as he drove me to my friends house (where I am staying until tomorrow night). I have been friends with her since 3rd grade. She is very balanced and the whole family has a fundamental happiness that is refreshing. She/They have seen me at worst and are willing to rally around me and support growth and change not just jump into defense mode (as my family would).
It was refreshing to be nestled into their family and I am hoping that I can find the perspective that I need so I can go back home into the trenches and do what I need to do.
This marriage is hanging by a thread and I am fighting hard to release outcome and surrender to what may come so that I can truly focus on myself and right my own wrongs. Send me all the prayers and good vibes you can afford to spare!
