on the edge...

[dingo]

hi everyone - just thought I would post a quick update. My wife had surgery last Wednesday and seems to be recovering just fine. It was a pretty minor surgery but surgery nonetheless. I took the end of last week off to be home with her and we spent quite a bit of time together. Things mostly seemed to go very well. She was friendly, more affectionate (physically - touching, etc and with her overall demeanor - more smiles, seemed happier, etc.)and we really had a good time with each other. She has been continuing to sleep in our bed (she has never slept in the guest room throughout all of this), is very cuddly at night, says 'i love you' and receives and gives kisses. She also seems to be invested in the house - did some housework, decorated for Thanksgiving, etc. In all, I think things are going very well.

The problems now are all centered around me. I seem to be in this hyper-analytical phase where I am reading into everything she says or doesnt say. The other day we were talking about some dead spots in the yard where we have lots of shade. She said 'you can always plant some shade-resistant grass there in the spring' and all I could think was 'why did she say "you" instead of "we." I also get very tense when she's playing around on her cell phone in front of me.

I know these are natural reactions and that they are my demons to fight so to speak. I don't share them with her, preferring to just deal with them on my own and not spark anything. I don't think there is much she can do to alleviate them in the short term anyway. Just like I have to show her over time that I have changed through my actions, she has to do the same.

Her actions over the last few weeks seem to indicate that she is committed to the marriage and it truly does feel different than how it has felt in the past when we were supposedly working on things.

For me, I have been trying to be the best husband I can be and have been living by the 'be a person only a fool would leave' guidance. I don't think its the right time to be dark or mysterious or play games with her. That being said, I am still doing my own activities - working out, talking with friends, etc.