He did say, as he left, that this is the reason he's been so hateful and mean the past few months....
I said, "yeah, because you hate me and hate being tied down to me."
And he said, "no, because I hate myself so much." then he left.
Ang,
I am sorry you made this discovery.
Yes he is struggling within himself. While his anger does seem directed at you, they do get upset with themselves. They don't always understand what or why they are doing things.
Only you know if this is your breaking point or not. Only you know if standing for your M is worth it or not. No one can answer that for you although we can help you come to a point where you will know your own answer...
Personally, I wanted to have no regrets...
I wanted to know that I had exhausted every option before I called it quits...
I wanted to be healthy and whole within myself before making such a huge, life changing decision...
When you do talk, you will hear some surprising and upsetting things.
Just listen...you may learn some interesting stuff.
You are going to want to know why. You may want to know details. You may want him to tell her it's over.
None of that is going to happen in earnest right now.
He doesn't really know why (and it really doesn't have anything to do with you no matter what he says).
The details, will only hurt.
Even if he tells her it's over, it isn't going to change anything right now and he isn't in a position to recommit to you and have it be true. You will just become the bully who forced him to get rid of his "friend".
Give yourself time. Take care of you and your kids right now.
I know it feels like the end of the world.
I promise you, it isn't.
You don't have to make any decisions today or even tomorrow. Except to get through the day.
It gets better.
Ladies,
I would also like to add that we don't need to vilify the OP.
I know it doesn't seem rational or normal to be involved with a married man (or woman).
I know it is easier to direct our anger at them. I know it is easy to have the stronger moral compass and sit on our soapbox because we wouldn't do something like that.
The truth about that is we don't know for certain what we would do in any given situation until we are presented with it.
When we vilify OP, we sit in judgement of another person. And it isn't up to us to pass judgement on anyone.
And it allows us to hold onto the anger we feel because we feel it is directed at the "right" person. That doesn't make holding onto the anger ok.
Anger leads to bitterness (even if it is justified).
Bitterness shows through in every way, even if we try to hide it.
It is your choice to learn forgivness and practice it. It is your choice to be free of those angry thoughts and feelings. It is your choice to step away from bittersville.
Just MOP.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
