Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

Well, after OR talk yesterday, I sort of had an epiphany. I realized I need some work with the acting As If and having no expectations. I thought I was doing good, but yesterday it hit me. I expected my husband to be home, or rather to not leave. I guess if I have any expectations, it should be that he is going to leave for his friend's house. He has anxiety that he needs to work through and he can't be in one place for very long. Also, my As If acting has not been so good. Before I left for church yesterday, I remember acting distance and snotty, not interested and loving but Busy. So I am trying a new As If. As If we are good friends and nothing more. I know that I've read over and over that this is going to be the hardest thing ever, but I just never imagined. I guess some baby steps have been met, as far as no arguing, and sometimes I can act AS If pretty good. One day I came home and the dog had messed in the house (he has been sick). I had a rude text stating that I needed to only feed him his dog food (no treats, biscuits etc) and that this was ridiculous. Good thing I didn't look at my phone! Old Me would have lashed out, because I HAVE only been feeding him dog food! How dare you assume, you aren't even here to see what we do anyways!! But I didn't. And when I got home, he was cleaning up poo, asked if I could help, he said no, but I started running hot water to mop the area anyway. He told me no more treats til his better (again assuming I was feeding them) and I calmly stated he has only gotten his dog food. A few minutes later, after I let him be, he came up to me and told me how nice I looked! That simple little mess could have led to an argument, but I averted the situation! Very proud of myself. But I think I got to cocky. I thought I knew all that needed to be done....I thought I had control of my emotions NOPE!!!
One thing I am unsure about it one of my 180's. I usually always keep my (our) bedroom door open, even in the past. I like my room to be open to the home to hear what is going on out there. I started closing my door. I thought it was a good 180, it added mystery. I don't think I am right about it though. I think I am making him feel closed off and unwelcome in the house. See, I am running a strange line with this detachment thing, since the anger between us has subsided and we don't even argue anymore. Well since we've been in our home together we haven't. But I am wondering what gives him such anxiety about the house. I feel like my anxiety, and my lack of acting As If has caused some of his anxiety. I know I am projecting anxiety. I come home, if he doesn't shout out hello to me, I go about my business and then go straight to my room and close the door. That's how its been the past week, and things haven't gotten any better, not really any worse, but not as good as they were. I know, I have many ups and downs to go, but I would like to keep the up momentum!
I will do another post about my Acting As If that I plan to implement in the house, or rather, how I plan to go back to my original one, as I seemed to have let it go and not even realized. There is a back story, and he did have an argument, it was something disrespectful that I did that I hoped he wouldn't find out about. OK Time to get ready for work! A lovely Chilly FL morning what a nice change!