So lost and hurt #3

[indigo1]

Ok so a quick recap on dinner with W last night. I will probably go into more detail when I get on a computer later.

We ended up hanging out for 3 1/2 hours. She brought up a lot of stuff that I had done wrong in the past which I did not deny and agreed with. Then she kinda shifted gears and talked about how she wants things to be from now on in her life with me if this were to work out. Once again I agreed with her and said that is the way I would like things to be as well. That if I did not truly believe I have been changing for the better and could give her those things I would just let her go so she could be happy. I could see this had a positive reaction.

Then she shifted to another gear talking about other things bothering her that did not involve me. Work, family, regrets and so on. I gave a little positive input when asked, but mostly sat there keeping eye contact and listening.

Then things got a little interesting. We moved to the bar to sit and after about a hour she turned her seat so it was facing me and I did the same to her. She tells me that she wants me to act the way I truly want to when I'm around her. I simply say I'm kinda handcuffed in being able to do that because I feel it would make you uncomfortable if I initiated physical contact which I know she wants from me. Or wanted should I say. She responds that I need to fight for her and show her how I want to be towards her from now on.

We end up holding hands with her legs between mine and talking for another hour. The looks she was giving me were looks of love, a lot of long deep looks and eye contact. Admits again she loves me and it sometimes makes her mad that the feeling won't go away. She then says to me where do we go from here? I respond by saing I can't decide that, you need to make that call. I said I know what I want, but it's on you. Was not prepared for that question.

So it was time to go, let her put on my jacket as it had gotten cold out side and held her as we walked to her car. I got in with her until her car heated up. We shared a long hug, followed by a kiss on the cheech which turned into four or five long kisses on the lips. I did not initiate this W did. Then we parted ways.

It was a good night in my eyes. W opened up a lot more with me and it felt so nice to get my first kiss in a long time. I'm reading nothing into this besides possibly a little positive progress. W is still very confused at this point. I actually slept last night with no aid of anything. My mind was at peace.