It's still football season-when's my bye week?

[reachingHigher]

Hi Mm!

Sounds like you're staying good and busy and active. It rings of strength and positive vibes.

Re: November 1. I wasn't in your financial position but it does seem there should be a way to not let her spending affect you so much.

Yet, she perseveres with wanting to be a part of the family, but not a part of the family.

I feel like a broken record when I mention my sitch but its all I have to compare to. My H had the mantra "overnight isn't fast enough to get D from you" yet although he saw two or three lawyers he never hired one. I was the one, as you probably know, that found and retained a lawyer. It was what he wanted so we did it together.

Seems like such a blur....a year ago.

I tend to think that you shouldn't say anything about November 1. Others may disagree. And I don't have to pay your bills. These things take a long time and if she is going out with the family tonight, she is still engaged mentally in some ways.

You will have to eventually make a different move, but my gut feeling is now isn't the right timing? But it's better to go with what you can live with. Just thought I'd say since you asked for suggestions.

So glad you can enjoy football and you have a lot of interests.

Hang in there!
rH

[ForeverYoung]

I also have her stated financial split date of November 1 in my head. It hasn't been mentioned since four weeks ago but part of me wonders if I should send her a bill tomorrow for half the boys expenses and tell her she is on her own when it comes to hers. So I either force the issue or let things continue as "normal." Would love to her suggestions.

What did you say to her about this date? (sorry, I looked back but didn't see it) If you stated something about this date to her I think you have to bring it up. To just allow it to pass makes you look inconsistent, or weak. I would not just send her a bill without talking about it first. I also would hope to not have to "force" the issue. You both are getting on good enough to discuss it, I think.

I admire you for your continued strength and standing for your family. A lesser man would've been long gone. Stand tall, my March 2012 BD friend!

[reachingHigher]

Yes, I agree, FY, if he said something follow through with it. I gave my post with the "let it go" opinion is if she was the one pushing the date.

[Mtnman]

She brought up the date and I told her that was fine. All done by her through text. Nothing mentioned since. I'll let her bring it up again I think.

[RosaLinda]

Hi Mtn Man. So Nov 1st came and went with no word from your W? My H is always making statements, and then forgetting about them by the next day, so maybe she has forgotten about splitting your finances? Especially as she sent you that text a month ago.

I hope you all had fun on Halloween, and that your little guy is doing better. This must be so hard for all of you. Is this the weekend W was going out of town? If so, I hope you are keeping busy with the boys, able to keep your mind occupied. Hang in there! You are still the rock

[Mtnman]

Thanks Rosa! Yes she took off from work yesterday and went out of town. Sent a text earlier saying she would returns late tonight.

Halloween was lots of fun. Went as a family. A lady from church stopped me Friday to say things must be going better with W. Her reason was that W was flirting with me when she saw us out Halloween night. I had to tell her nothing had changed. And, I guess I'm clueless or have learned to ignore W because I didn't remember any flirting.

Friday night was high school football after boys basketball practice.

The boys and I spent all day today at youth football championship games. Lots of fun and wiped us all out. W texted to tease me about her alma mater beating mine in college football today. Now that I recognize as flirting lol.

It's seems everywhere I go someone stops to ask how things are or to say that things appear to be going better. If it confuses them, you can imagine what it's doing to my boys. Heck, to me!

Thanks for checking up on me. I'm staying positive and continuing to hold on to hope.

[Mtnman]

We all went to church as a family. Today was all saints day so we lit candles for those who had passed the last year, including my FIL. W and I sat next to each other. She leaned over and asked if I would light the candle. I agreed to do so of course.

Upon returning home, W has done laundry and been real busy cleaning. Could be guilt, could be something else.

I'm not sure what to make of it all. It was a real honor to stand up front with her mother and our family and light the candle in his memory.

I am feeling like I can't stop myself from grabbing her. Ten months of true separation is starting to wear on me. Can a man get a hug!!!! lol

[JFun51]

I feel your pain Mtnman. Every moment of normalcy and progress makes you want to reach out and put your arms around her. Stay strong for your boys. Keep fighting. Things seem to be progressing nicely.

You didn't get here very easily. Use caution, but enjoy.

[BklynMom]

Your post above was beautiful.

I pray for your w that she will allow herself to come out of the darkness and see all the light and goodness she has in her life.

She is so blessed and she can't see it

Peace

[Mtnman]

Thanks JFun and Bklyn. The normalcy is harder to deal with than the alien. Her brother called to talk to me this afternoon. She came into our bedroom and stretched out on the bed while he and I chatted. He didn't ask to speak to her btw.

When he and I finished our convo, she stayed and we had a long, normal conversation about things going on with my family. Really, just catching up. All so normal, except I would've been on the bed with her before.

I've been thinking today about why I still want her. Looking at her in church, she has gained weight, she obviously got home late last night or this morning and hadn't showered, she has treated me worse than a dog, and has hurt our children more than I thought possible. So, why? Why do I still love her? I don't know, but I do. Love could be the only thing stranger than mlc.