She's gonna make it.....

[RosaLinda]

"She's gonna make it" by Garth Brooks....for all us LBS

He followed her to work this morning
He’d never seen that dress before
She seemed to sail right through
Those dark clouds forming
That he knows he’s headed for

After seven years of marriage
He wanted out
Now after seven months of freedom
It’s clear that there’s no doubt

She’s gonna make it
And he never will
He’s at the foot of the mountain
And she’s over that hill
He’s sinkin’ at sea
And her sails are filled
She’s gonna make it
And he never will

And you know it’s not like she’s forgot about him
She’s just dealing with the pain
And the fact that she’s survived so well without him
You know it’s driving him insane

And the crazy thing about it
Is she’d take him back
But the fool in him that walked out
Is the fool who just won’t ask

This is for all of us standers, both those of us whose spouses have left, and those trying to deal with a spouse still physically at home, but dabbling in EAs and PAs. I KNOW all of us will make it, and hope that our MLCers DON'T sink at sea, and that they make it too.

We are gonna make it!

Although my H is still physically living home with me, he is gone in spirit. Living in a cloud cuckoo land where the person who loves him most, who has supported him financially and emotionally thru his many illnesses, and who still adores him (me! ) has been vilified into a lying cheater.

I always knew, because I was an obsessed (hopefully reformed) snooper, that H told all of his EAs that I have been lying and cheating on him our entire married lives.

I sort of thought it funny when H told me he considers any woman who uses a vibrator unfaithful. During my "chat" with the Russian Tramp a few days ago (okay, I admit it, I screamed, she smirked, not much of a chat), I could see that he has convinced the RT of my unfaithfulness, when she snarkily justified her home wrecking by demanding that I look at my own past.

But it never ever occurred to me that H might actually believe this. Until I read a repost on uRworthy's thread, written by a woman who had gone thru a MLC. I would really recommend everyone read it - it's an honest exposure of the pain the MLCers feel. (http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2399809#Post2399809).

The worst thing to me was to read that this Amy honestly, whole heartedly believed the lies she made up about her husband. She convinced herself and everyone else by spreading "brilliant BS." I have been hoping that H was just pretending to believe that I have been a lying cheating POS for the past 38 years. But he even told this to his MOM, my MIL, both that I am a cheater and that he only stays with me for our sons. Luckily she loves me enough to confront me with it. She IS a lot like your MIL, Rose.

I guess all of our spouses have made up lies about us to justify their actions. But if they BELIEVE the lies, and if they refuse to see that the things we have changed about ourselves are real and permanent, even after years and years, what hope is there?

PS I was going to name this thread Portia's "Bogie coloured Bootie Burning Ceremony" or Nero's "As the bootie turns" LOL, but am feeling too down in the dumps. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll be back to my old self, able to convince myself of the probability of 9 impossible things before breakfast even, in no time. Copious amounts of caffeine should help

Old thread: You'll think of me.....

[Cadet]

Suggestion

DB101

Start with a beginners mind.

Day one - cadet says - Believe none of what they say and half of what they do.

So he thinks your an american version of what you call his GF - RT.

Do you believe what came out of his mouth?

I guarantee that when an MLC'er opens their mouth they are lying. - MLC - 101

[Whiterose]

I'm sorry, hun, don't feel down in the dumps.....WE ALL LOVE YOU!

Cadet is right....how do you know our spouses are lying? their lips are moving! I'm beginning to think they will spin the story to create a truth that THEY can live with. It's really about THEIR survival, isn't it?
My H, although not the best dad was better than this!, can convince himself his boys are OK and I'm the one responsible for all their anger towards him must be sick in the head. I'm waiting for H's family to wake up to all his lies. They don't even talk to me, or the boys, to confirm any of his stories-it's not going to happen though. They've never cared before why would they care now, right?

All the changes I've made and he accuses me of "talking to other people" of "not sounding the same" and even when I tell him I TOLD him I was making changes to better myself, and that he is right, I AM different somehow I'm still in trouble.....in my stitch I don't think there is much hope. He's gone, gone, gone. Physically, mentally and emotionally. FOR YOU he's still there, he's torn Linda. Torn is good (in my opinion) I BET if you detach and show him your awesomeness without him he'll start to pay closer attention to you.

Keep it up!! GO LINDA GO

[nero]

oh hi linda-

don't let this get you too down- they are a bunch of lying sacks of $hit- donja know???

i mean- i am sooooo messy it ruined his life (wtf???) i didn't ask when i cut my hair (note - MY hair - MY HEAD)!!WTF/

GOD ALONE knows what stupid dopey other $hit he's made up & believes - he tells everyone alive that will lsiten and can't outrun him - moronic junk like i don't cook, dress him funny, "make him do this, make him do that, made him quit smoking-

i don't even remember it all. allll lies- allllll insane - and who knows, i think he does believe it too.

it's sad and it's unfair and it makes me sick- blame blame blame

what the heck can we do about it but scratch our heads and wonder and try and laugh about it - if even to each other.

it's soooooooo TYPICAL mlc BEHAVIOR IT'S SCARY.

they are scary- don't let it make you lose heart. the business of having heart and standing is about you. in this world of mlc where IT'S ALLLLLLL ABOUT THEM * * * *

THIS is what we have that is about us- our hearts, our knowledge of who we are- who *(and what???!!!) they are- and the difference.

you know in your heart what is true. soooo a bunch of his croneys and stupid pos rt think what he says is true- maybe - but only maybe - just cause he manages to delude himself. so does my h - maybe -.. nobody is sayin it works on the rest of the thinking universe..

we don't really know tho, do we. maybe deeeep down inside they actualy do know or have an inkling- hence their anger toward us sometimes - the nerve of us being honest and true and making them pissesd off because they are "not good enough" . or not as good AS US , when it comes to honesty,& loyalty, etc.

it's a twisted thing i think- and i'm being honest. i get bummed too- feel totally sold down the river and convicted of a crime i didn't do-

the only thing i do have is my own knowlewdge of me and sitch- and then, there are my own friends that KNOW ME> LIKE YOU_ - your friends know you, know what's true or likely to be true- and that is that.

it's your vindication. convincing a crazy person not to be crazy just isn't possible usually not while they;re in the middle of being crazy.

THINK THO, ABOUT IT- you're bummed because someone who was crazy - who did exactly what your h is doing now- ACTUALLY IS TELlING US ABOUT - REALIZING IT- SEEING THE TRUTH - FEELING THE SORROW AND HEARTACHE OF CAUSING THE PAIN THEY DId-

IN OTHER WORDS- THEY MANAGED ;TO COME ALIVE and know what they did, what they said - and see it for the lies it was.

soooo- it's a good thing- to think there's hope of that- rather than getting too bummed and disabled by it all.

perk up man - you're ole ms. perky here- you can do this, you can positive yourself out of it. you can't let a glimpse of the dark side scare you into getting off your journey- those lies and crap are HIS JOURNEY - not yours. if it's a crucial part to lie his stinkin head off- it's on him- not you.

and as for anyone that believews it- well, they are saps who don't even know you - we do not give a rats A what they think. of anything... much less our character.

- stop & breath &^ get the heck busy telling yourself that in the end- the "right things" will happen in your life. and the truth will win out- if we don't all believe that- why in the world would we all go around being honest anyway? either it really does matter - or we wouldn't bother - rite??? i'm askin ya.

i hope you're feeling okay and make it thru this black hole of doubt - you will, i know it.

there is no way in the world that lies ever ever ever lead someone to happiness and success. no way that people dealing with a liar just believe and believe - no matter what they're hearing the poor deluded guy say. somehow lies have a way of coming back to trap the liar. (and make themselves known) people just know- he's probably not really fooling anyone that matters at all. i'd even guess - least of all himself (well, if not now, in the end) anyway.

ya know? i'm just sayin; as you're always pointing out to me- look at and appreciate the good news in this message - and don't glom onto the negtive side- it will draw it to you (ha - ta da) i know a secret , donja know....you do too! rite???

xxoo hang on man.

[sweetbabyred]

Linda, thank you so much for checking in on my thread again. I'll update in a bit but I wanted to let you know that I've kept up with your sitch over the past few days. I was reading from my phone, so I couldn't respond until now.

I am so glad that you stuck up for yourself. yes, we all know our mlc'ers are crazy, but we don't have to accept being disrespected, especially in our own homes. Showing that you have a backbone and don't need to put up with it might make your h consider what he's been doing, although I'm sure it'll take awhile. They do bake slowly.

You are very sweet, but you need to show your h that you will be ok without him if he chooses to make that decision. Boundaries are a great thing and will make you feel stronger and more confident when you enforce them.

Some days are really tough, but you will be a better, stronger person no matter what happens. And Whiterose is right, we all love you and are cheering you on.

[kml]

If you google Lyme disease and paranoia, you will find it has been described as a symptom. You should definitely mention it to his doctor, as well as his delusion that you have cheated.

[RosaLinda]

Hi Cadet! I hope H does NOT think I'm an american version of RT, as he describes her as bitchy, aggressive, self centered and conceited. He has never mentioned her cheating on him, but she had to get that VD from another man. Yet I'm the cheat, sigh.....

I know you are feeling discouraged Rose. I'm not sure why your H is so gung ho on getting divorced so quickly. We can all see your changes, it is so discouraging that your H is still making accusations against ypu. It's been hard to live with a man who does not love me all these years, but I am grateful that he's still here. Thanks for your encouraging words of hope for my future. I have hope for you too my friend. I'm a firm believer in "it's not over until they're remarried!"

Thanks for your encouragement also, Nero and SweetRed. I AM feeling better Nero. No so depressed, more positive. But a little strange. I'm having a hard time putting on the "lovely wife" persona as per DB Coach Chuck. I'm afraid I'm not really feeling at all sweet today Red.  But I do feel sort of confident. I guess I'm back in that "don't care as much" detached mode. That in itself can get depressing. 

H and I were just watching a comedy about a man covering up an affair and I asked him if he is taking notes. Not like me at all, not DBing at all. Pretty bitchy in fact

He seemed to take it in stride though, and kept watching the movie. Luckily his memory is so shot from the Lymes/MLC combo that he probably won't remember it by tomorrow anyway. 

Thanks for the info about paranoia and delusions from Lymes Ellie. H has been feeling so sick that he made an appointment with his specialist tomorrow. 

Unfortunately I probably will not be permitted to accompany him. He hasn't let me come since I told them he was feeling depressed. H told the doc he would not take ADs even if he prescribed them, and did not speak to me for awhile.

Well I'm on the overnight shift tonight. Thanks for checking on me, you're the best friends!

[LoisB]

RosaLinda,

I'm sorry you having a tough day. I have noticed with myself, though, that sadness is just part of it all. It's part of moving through it. I hate it, but I have to admit, I will feel these low points, try to let come out and then, suddenly, I seem to feel so much better.

It's all a process. Whether we reconcile or not, this is our journey too.

Heather

[LoisB]

Oh, and I LOVE the NEW Thread Title!! Very cool and foreshadowing for what's to come.

Remember Linda, YOU ARE Awesome. True Story!!!!

[nero]

heyhi-

i hate this stinkin "process". i hate the stupidity and blindness and selfishness of it all- the total insanity. i hate the uncertainty and powerlessness 0-

i hate being alllllll understanding and dbing til our eyes bleed. ta da ! what a little flower of hope i am today - huh???

it's so sad bad 0- i wish i had more wisdom & peace about it all.

oh well huh? good luck dearie- hope you're not too down (like this is gonha help huh? my stinkin spew -

hope your day is okay - i earnestly hope that you and i and everyone here - or some of us at least - begin in some way to feel happy and experience "fun" again and just get off this particular bus. since it's apparently not going to just kill us outright any minute (so far anyway) i wish it would just f'ing recede and go off into the stinking sunset 0- the emotion turmoil and leave us be.

ta da--chilly & dispirited

xxoo (( )) thank you- drive thru please....