Hi everyone. I'm a bit more confident in myself and my ability to change now. It's been over a month now since I've spoke to H, and the urges to text him/e-mail/call him have just about ceased. Even if I get his mail I just pile it up. If he really wants it he can contact me and ask for it. Otherwise, I'm not making it my business to see he gets it. He should have forwarded most of his mail by now anyway.
Anyway, a lot of friends have been supportive. They've been inviting to me to all sorts of places, and I've been taking them up on their offers. Before, I would just sit in the apartment and play games. Now, I'm feeling more alive getting out. In LA there's lots to see, so we're certainly not short on anything to do. Trying to stay away from drama. A friend who has heard I was separated, has suddenly come out as wanting to see each other. Don't worry no 2x4's! It is way too early for me. I know I need this time to work on myself first. I told him we can still hang out as friends, but dating is not even a consideration at this time. Weird,not sure if I even want to hang around him, which really is bad because I valued our conversations and his friendship. I guess I'm just spacing myself from those kind of things right now. I don't need to make things more confused. Haha! Still looking for that job. It is so incredibly hard to get your foot in the door as a recent graduate, and I'm pretty open to any job so long as it pays the rent. Most of them require experience. :P I keep hoping as long as I submit so many resumes a day I can get that interview to a secure working environment. I'm just trying to keep as positive as possible.
The beginning of H announcing he wanted a D I felt like I was going to die without him. Now for the first time since this journey has succumbed, I can finally see a future with or without him. I know for once it is not the end of the road even if we don't work out. It's a hard realization, and sometimes I don't want it to be true, but knowing that it is also helps. Knowing I can go on with just myself I think is the first step to really healing from all of this. I hope to continue reading posts on this site and help my inspirations. Really, the stories on here have helped me tremendously getting through this. Thank you for everyone inspiring me so far!
