Ambivalent, Here is an article that I found on "affair down". I think you will find it enlightening.
"So is there really an attraction to the other woman? Not really. It’s just that they are the sickest, weakest, most pathetic of the pack. For a man who is insecure and whose self esteem is at an all time low, he scans the herd for the easiest prey as he knows anything even remotely desirable will turn him down.
Self assured, strong, and healthy women will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Wayward husbands are only looking for someone to boost their ego, so they must look for someone far beneath them, so they can feel superior. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful and admired than to pick the least and most pathetic of the bunch? The fact is … they always affair down…way down.
Men know that the other woman is no match for their wives. Their wives are beautiful, faithful, strong, intelligent and the mother of their children.
The truth is, the other woman could be just about anyone slow enough and stupid enough to be willing to accept what little the married man has to offer.
In fact, she accepts the very worst parts of the married man: the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with her. She accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash.
She has no self-esteem because she knows her value is nothing… She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack – at the end of the row."
Ambivalent, the op will be the exact opposite of the lbs. Because right now, he's the exact opposite of the man pre-crisis, therefore, he's looking for someone he be superior over as pointed out above.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
