Ex and I are officially divorced. It saddens me but I am busy moving on with other things. When life hands me lemons I make lemonade.
I guess the above post about wanted an apology comes from this blame that h puts 100% on me. I felt like I needed him to admit it was not Entirely my fault.
Over the past few weeks this need for him to admit this has subsided. During this time he has blamed me for several inconvinences in his life - it is preposterous.
Initially when I got into divorce busting I bent over backwards so that he wouldn't be mad at me. I thought if I did everything right if I controlled my anger, learned guitar, ran a half marathon, won mom of the year and employee of the month he would turn around and see what he was missing,
My exh never turned around. But now because of db I have all these great things in my life and great people that I have met on these boards and through alanon. I am very blessed.
These are not the results I wanted for me or my girls. I feel alone without a partner and best friend. I think it stinks for my girls to go back and forth between two homes. But they are fine and happy.
Even though this is not what I want I no longer fantasize about ex coming back. I no longer want him back. I no longer want this man who has been so cruel to us back in our home. I no longer want a man who can deny his part in this so completely. I no longer want a man who doesn't have a clue who he is. I no longer want a man who left our home while I was still breast feeding his infant daughter.
If one day I have a true partner it will be someone more self actualized then my ex. Someone who knows who they are and can express that to me. I want more then I had with ex, I deserve better.
Life is good Make lemonade
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
