I'm so disgusted at my decision in choice of a man.
Amb,
Take a look back and ask yourself what made you fall in love with the H in the first place. He was the man that you married and create a family with him. You made that choice when you married him. You did not feel disgust at all when you walked down the aisle.
Right now, H has been kidnapped by yours truly as in MIB "Men in Black" aliens and whisked away on a far away Mother Ship and replaced with a C-3PO clone that isn't H at all. His innards are on the blinker and not in good working order at all. That was not a conscious choice by H at all. He didn't wake up on a Halloween morning scheming and devising various evil ways to call up numerous curses from the big black cauldron upon you and the family! How crazy is that thought process!?? Right. I most certainly didn't do this when the onset of MLC hit me unawareness.
Originally Posted By: Ambivalent
Something inside me has died.
Yeah, the old and weak Amb is no more! A receipt did not kill you. You're giving it way tooooo much power. Good gosh...many of us have had to face all sorts of god-awful stuff when we stumbled on our spouses' affairs. Some have caught their MCLer/WASes in bed with the OW/OM in the midst of intercourse or fellatio. Guess what? We've survived those nuclear blasts and picked ourselves up from the floor.
So can you. The choice is in your hands. Would you rather be right as exemplified by self-righteous, moralizing) or be happy by forgiveness and unconditional love? It totally up to you. First, you need to get past the internal anger and foot stomping over the discovery of a receipt which is just a piece of paper!
It's high time to show a "new" Amb who is steely strong, calm and collected!!! Out with the old and usher in the new awesome Amb.
Originally Posted By: Ambivalent
He is being so " nice " because he feels guilty about his dual life.
You just don't know. That is purely mindreading. LET IT GO.
Originally Posted By: Ambivalent
He knows this is wrong. He does have a choice. He is not under the influence of heavy drugs, or alcohol, he is not an addict. He is an adult and has chosen to do this.
As a former MLCer, I can say without any qualms that that is not the case at all. If H were a non-MLCer, I'd probably say that he might have some inkling of knowing this is "wrong." From our experience, we are in SO much pain and feeling incredibly overwhelmed with EVERYTHING that we want to GET THE HELL away from our spouses and marital home. Shouldn't this be the first clue that "something" is definitely wrong with the MLCer, right? The reason we obtain OWs/OMs is to feel good about ourselves. In my case, my OW was simply a woman who happened to be available for the taking. Which is why many of the A's you see in MLCers are often affaired down.
We certainly didn't choose our MLC...for sure! Not by a long shot. It wasn't something that we picked out from the big manual called "Life" with unabashed delight.
Take a look around the MLC forum and piecing, nearly all LBSs have made the choice to get past the affair and work their way though it.
What do you want to do, Amb? The choice is in YOUR own hands. Choose wisely.
