Where am I at?

[Icecoldw]

I know she fell out of love with me because I lost myself. My parents D when I was a freshman in high school, lived with my mom and physically handicapped sister. I became the fixer, caretaker for them. Didn't really have a male role model around.

I have always conformed to others to gain approval. With my relationships, if they were not happy I was not happy, so I would do what it took to make them happy, regardless of my needs. Often times rewarding bad behavior.

Case in point, if was asked were I wanted to go for dinner, I would respond. Then they would say that doesn't sound good pick something else. So I would and they would say no not there. Then I would get mad and have them pick. After awhile I got tired of playing that game and would go passive.

I'm a layed back type of person. It takes a lot to make me mad. It comes across as being passive, I justify it as knowing when to pick my battles. Truth be known is I don't like the conformation.

After my first marriage, the way I dealt with the pain is by drinking it away. I was a mess. I met my second wife 5 years after, I was still drinking pretty heavy. She helped curb my drinking and truth be known also helped enable me. I never became violent but that is when I would voice what was on my mind, often would get angry. Yes I know that is another reason why she fell out of love with me.

I also gave up my control. She would not like my driving, I would let her drive. She didn't like my music, we would listen to hers etc. you get the picture. Again I thought this was all petty and not worth fighting over.