PATIENCE PROMISCUITY AND PROFIDIOUSNESS

[Ambivalent]

"H. is not passive aggressive. Or maybe he has become that...I don't know at this point."

He's not and hasn't acted that way towards you. THAT you worked out in your own head. Mindreading on your part

The reason I said maybe is, prior to him leaving he started leaving his shoes in the middle of walkways, and where I could trip on them. Looking back it seemed intentional, considering the agreement we had abut leaving things about.

So no mindreading here, just realizing.

"Something inside me has died. He is very needy right now, and I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I want to at this point."

How about stop doing what doesn't work, and in your case it's making up scenarios in your head.

Really, okay so it may be a prostitute? Call girls go shopping with johns instead of taking cash?

"I don't feel sexual about him at present. With the stress this has caused, the stress of school, the stress of what I have to do around him, the stress of trying to function, I am slowly being eaten away."

That's YOUR choice. You are causing the stress to yourself.

Mr. Bond, anxiety is not a choice, stress is not a choice. And as for the receipt I know my husband enough to know that the purchase was not for a friend, not for a buddy, not for me, my kids or my in laws. So either an affair or a prostitute. No need for Viagra in his bag either, unless trying to sustain an erection. He has NO heart condition!

"Sorry if I can't just snap back. This is over 33 years I've given to this man. I have been forgiving in the past. I have discussed and shared how I felt about ugly behavior before, and then let it go."

You also were responsible for what happened 50% of the time

And the point of this is? I've been pretty open and honest on here and with my husband about our mistakes that WE made.

And yes, I have worked my ass off, and I am venting, and sobbing and mourning...OKAY?

"I never threw it in his face. I took him at his word. That is gone. How does someone ever trust again?"

You're totally mindreading on things that may or may not have happened.

Actually I'm not. I'm referring to past behaviors , not to the receipt.

I believe you aren't completely up to speed on what I have written.

"He is being so " nice " because he feels guilty about his dual life. He knows this is wrong. He does have a choice. He is not under the influence of heavy drugs, or alcohol, he is not an addict. He is an adult and has chosen to do this.""

This is mindreading especially. You don't "know" your H. Assumptions are what have killed MANY relationships. Stop saying you "know" him. After all, you never "knew" he was going to leave you. Stick to actual facts and not what fantasies you are coming up with on your own.

He has expressed his guilt to me, on several occasions. I may be mind reading as to the possibility of him feeling guilty about him and another woman, but I seriously doubt it.

If he wasn't guilty , there would be no reason to hide this from me, or at this point not be honest. This comes from a relationship of over 33 years. He doesn't want me to hate him, that too was expressed. He doesn't want his daughters to hate him.

He is not a sociopath, charming , yes. Not that devious.

Yes my head is whirling, and if I didn't know his past lies, behavior , and other pieces of information, I would be way more inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I am not planning on confronting him until I have
control over my emotions. At present I am all over the place, and I have to see him again in the next 24 hours.

Part of why I don't want to confront him is that it "seemed" as if the past three days were good. We connected. Of all the people who wishes I didn't come across this it is I.

If I could have continued and not discovered it, perhaps I would never know and everything would be so much easier.

No plans to do anything until after I go to counseling on Tuesday. But I am raw, and I cannot help the way I feel.