wife hardens heart-5

[labug]

It is alimony. She will spend it as she pleases.

You aren't paying child support at all?

I am not angry.

I''d revisit this if I were you. Be honest, there's nothing wrong with being angry unless you deny it and react from it and hurt other people. We're usually angry because we've been hurt in some way. Are you hurting?

I definitely don't hate her. It's currently the other way around.

That's mind reading and so what if she does? You can only worry about you and your emotions. Hers are hers.

I really don't understand why she refuses to coparent.

This is a little mind-reading on my part but it's most likely because you didn't coparent when you were married. The only way you can improve on something is to understand your actions and the fallout from that.

We have talked about this months ago and she's renegading on her promise. Its what's best for the kids if we are at peace with each other or should I say she's at peace with herself.

You need to be at peace too and you aren't yet. As I said, if I can feel the anger this far away it must be very evident to those in your immediate circle. Back away and work on getting in control or your emotions and she may eventually come around, again it won't happen overnight.

I just want to be involved in my kid's life. I can't be in the dark. Regarding the classes, I don't think it is inappropriate but I would appreciate some info as to where the classes are and what do they do over there. I would like to see for myself even if I couldn't pay for it. That, I believe is reasonable. Her reason is if I wouldn't pay for it then I shouldn't know about it.

Has your W ever put your kids in danger or done something inappropriate with them? You allowed her to make these decisions on her own before, why suddenly to you have to know about it? Is it because you're concerned about their welfare or you want to fight with W?

State your request again in a calm manner maybe even acknowledging that you were uninvolved but are working to become more involved. If she complies, she complies. If not you just keep being the new even-keeled, thoughtful, involved Planet and maybe someday, when the emotion of all this has died down she willbe able to coparent peacefully with you. You have to be the change you want to see in the world (thank you, ghandi)

I do not wish to argue with her. XW is on a mission to pick a fight with constant sniping and rudeness. Arguing for the sake of arguing.

Did she say this to you? Otherwise you don't know that. Let it go, you can be who you want to be regardless of what others say or do.

I am aware of not having any expectations. What do I say to her when she brings up my past faults. Something like I never check my kid's message book from school but I do now. She did say I have 'woken up' too late.

You agree but include that you are working at improving. You can tell her you've apologized in the past and that you won't continue to apologize but you will continue to improve.

She's in a new relationship with OM. I know that now for sure. She may not want to see my changes in a positive light at all.

Again, stop the self-defeating talk, you don't know that.

You are so reactive right now you can't see straight. Walk away for awhile, work on you. Enjoy your Ds.