PATIENCE PROMISCUITY AND PROFIDIOUSNESS

[Ambivalent]

Annapolis is free. His work is in the D.C., Dulles corridor, Md. Defense contracting.

It is so confusing...On one hand I'm being told it isn't me, it is him and his MLC. On the other , It is about me, my behavior . On this board I am getting dual messages. If it isn't about me, then why change?

I am not complaining about learning and growing. But it is so difficult to deal with conflicting messages.

I am so wounded. I feel a devastation that I don't know if I can recover from this. I want to curl up and sleep. I want to hug my children and I can't. I want to confront him and I can't.

I am at such a loss for what to do. I have an appt. on Tuesday early afternoon and it seems like a lifetime away.

I can't concentrate here at school, I don't want to be here. I just want to be the innocent girl I was before I ever entered the world of dating and marriage.

Where I was untouched by such painful realities of the human condition. The selfish, narcissistic desires of the male ego.

Why the name ambivalent? This is why, I am being torn in two.

I took my vows seriously. I have given my all, and tried to be a good wife