T, I know you've been through a really crazy roller coaster with your W, but the upside is that at least she is showing interest in you. It's been over 16 months since BD for me and I get zero interest from my W, if she said something like your W did I think I'd have trouble doing anything than standing there with mouth gaping open.
LOL. You and me both.
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It sounds like you're taking the right approach, but just a quick reminder, let her do all the pursuing. Maintain your distance. Work out your boundaries if you haven't already and if you decide to tell her you're willing to work on things, then present the boundaries to her and make it clear what the ramifications are if she breaks the boundaries. You've done all the hard work, now it's her turn.
The script has been flipped, its now on her to show it.
If I was in your shoes I would need to see consistent ACTIONS for a while.
Her actions should match her words.
Keep living your life and being you and slow down. Nothing needs to be decided today, this week, or this month.
This^^ is dead on accurate. If she's serious, she won't mind proving it to you. If she's doing this:
Originally Posted By: sandi2
She is simply temperature testing to see if she still has you in the palm of her hand.
...meaning she is NOT serious, her previous behavior leads me to believe that she will become frustrated that you are no longer under her control. She'll angrily call things completely off, but blame you. She'll say that she was willing to R - that she wanted nothing but to be back with you - but you didn't believe her, so you lost your chance.
There are many ways things could pan out, but just in case that happens, don't believe it.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
T, I know you've been through a really crazy roller coaster with your W, but the upside is that at least she is showing interest in you. It's been over 16 months since BD for me and I get zero interest from my W, if she said something like your W did I think I'd have trouble doing anything than standing there with mouth gaping open. It sounds like you're taking the right approach, but just a quick reminder, let her do all the pursuing. Maintain your distance. Work out your boundaries if you haven't already and if you decide to tell her you're willing to work on things, then present the boundaries to her and make it clear what the ramifications are if she breaks the boundaries. You've done all the hard work, now it's her turn.
Yeah your right I should sort out my boundaries now.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
The script has been flipped, its now on her to show it.
If I was in your shoes I would need to see consistent ACTIONS for a while.
Her actions should match her words.
Keep living your life and being you and slow down. Nothing needs to be decided today, this week, or this month.
This^^ is dead on accurate. If she's serious, she won't mind proving it to you. If she's doing this:
Originally Posted By: sandi2
She is simply temperature testing to see if she still has you in the palm of her hand.
...meaning she is NOT serious, her previous behavior leads me to believe that she will become frustrated that you are no longer under her control. She'll angrily call things completely off, but blame you. She'll say that she was willing to R - that she wanted nothing but to be back with you - but you didn't believe her, so you lost your chance.
There are many ways things could pan out, but just in case that happens, don't believe it.
-PM
I agree. Patience has never been one of my W's strengths. It is the hurdle she fell on last time too.
It's something I'm tempted to tell her when the time feels right. If she thinks this is going to be a quick process she's completely wrong.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
It's messing with my head this new information about her wanting back in. I feel for the first time I was actually getting somewhere and now this. I don't know how long I take to decide on this. What is long enough and what is ridiculous?
Whatever feels right is what is right. There is no set time, unless one of you moves on while waiting for the other.
I would be very, very careful here T. I agree with Sandi and I think she is testing the waters to see if she can bring you back. It doesn't mean there isn't a part of her that wants it, I just wouldn't trust that part at this point in time to be able to commit. If you do want to give it a chance, I would not proceed until she is counseling and you start to see some real changes in her.
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I asked her if it's so important I see the kids more why does stop me from Skyping them sometimes and make it awkward. She said it's because she is hurting.
This alone shows how much growing she has to do if she is using her children as pawns to get back at you.
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I agree. Patience has never been one of my W's strengths. It is the hurdle she fell on last time too.
I don't think she fell on patience last time. I don't think she was ever committed and she was doing what I did, "Ok, now he's back and I feel safe in that area again so I can go do what I really want to do and that is be in contact with OM"
I believe there is a part of her that wants your M. I just wouldn't go back until that part grows bigger and is fully committed.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
T- we all know she has crossed your boundaries multiple times. I think the question is, how many times can she cross them?
You may not have the answer to that. You may know it only when it happens. But you need to decide for yourself eventually how times she gets to cross your boundaries
At the start of the week for some strange reason when I read your post I was thinking one more go after this one....very strange. I was in a very calm state then.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
