wife hardens heart-5

[labug]

Do you and W have a legal ruling on custody, alimony and child support? Here in the US alimony and child support are 2 different things, not usually lumped together. If she only gets alimony, and that's what it's called, you really have no say in how she spends it.

I have agreed to share the cost for next year's preschool entrance fees a couple of weeks ago. XW knew how much I make and yet thinks I could cough up extras.

She can think what she wants, if you don't have the money, you don't have the money.

I wasn't much of an involved father before BD. I have been making changes for 5-6 months and are actively involved in my kids activities. She even commended me previously. Right now, I would like to know some info on the classes she signed my girls up. I would like to check the place out. She's unreasonably resisting giving any info. Cutting the nose to spite the face, she doesn't want to sent the girls to the art class now since I can't pay half of it.

I don't know if your W is resisting. What do you call resisting?

I went back and read some of your early threads, where you talk about your married life. Do you see now where W might not be so excited about your sudden change of heart and becoming a family man? I'm not saying she's right but 5-6 months of change isn't going to suddenly improve your position in her eyes after she was doing it all since the Ds were born. Patience and consistent behavior is what it's going to take if you want a good coparenting R with her. Your D's deserve that.

What kind info do you need about the classes? Do you think the classes will be inappropriate? What would be your basis for interfering in them attending the classes?

You are angry, I can feel the emotion through your writing all the way over here in the southwestern US. How are you dealing with that?

And who are you really angry with?

If I can feel that emotion over all that distance, think how your D's must feel, kids pick up on our emotions, sometimes even before we do. Go easy, get control of your emotions.

I just want XW to share and talk about my kid's 'going-ons'. It's not unreasonable. XW snipes at everything I say and strings me around unrelated stuff. Blames. Past hurts.
It's really frustrating. It takes tremendous amount of patience not to walk over to XW and ring her neck.

She may never share and "talk about" your kids goings-on, I think that ship has sailed for her. Can you expect her to share reasonable things, you should have no expectations. And again, I don't know your definition of reasonable.

You're both reacting based on your emotions, not what's best for your Ds.

How can you change that? It does take only one person to change to change the dynamics of a R.