I am bringing my response over from your other thread:
Ambivalent, Are you okay? We are worried about you. You had a major shock and disappointment yesterday.
Mlcers have a way of telling on themselves, i.e. loose lips. Sometimes they slip up and tell us what they are doing, they contradict themselves or, as you discovered, leave stuff in the car or on the internet.
When he lived at home, did you have a computer workstation that you both shared? If you truly want to snoop, which I don't advocate because you are going to get hurt more and more w/whatever you discover, you can check your internet cookies to see where he's been. I had a PI do my check and discovered a lot of stuff that my xh had been visiting quite often. But, don't do this unless you are sure you can handle it.
Mlcers will hook up w/people who are the opposite of us and yes, they can purchase clothes for them, jewelry or anything the op says that they would like to have. They become rescuers to the OP and will jump through hoops to give them whatever they need.
Unfortunately, confrontation doesn't always take the fun and excitement out of their escapades. Yes, you can expose them and the affair...but it also makes the mlcer more protective of the OP and then the real hiding of activities begins in earnest. The mlcer may become very defensive and may even become very angry and start discussing divorce. I generally recommend not revealing what a lbs discovers until you have more evidence because right now your mlcer feels very comfortable and safe in leaving stuff lying around in his car.
You can confront him, but be prepared for him to come out swinging. He's not going to believe that you were looking for a piece of paper to write a list on and he will become more careful around you. He's not going to be a happy camper about you rummaging around in his car while he was out hunting and may even demand you return your set of keys to his vehicle. He may even attempt to turn the tables and accuse of things and point out that you evidently don't trust him, etc. Gaslighting becomes a tool of theirs doing the crisis.
If you aren't sure what to do, then do nothing for now. Give yourself some time to digest what you've discovered. If you feel that you need a professional to guide you, contact one of the DB coaches and have a discussion w/him or her about it.
But, I do want to caution you, once the cat is out of the bag on his escapades, you can never put that particular cat back in the bag. Please take some time to think about what you want to do. The calmer you are, the better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
