Tell her that you're sorry she got into the accident and that you'll try to help her but money is tight with you as well. Don't give her the full amount. Maybe $300 max to "help" but that's it and only do it after you've "thought about it".
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
My personal opinion is not to give her any money for the deductible. She drove the car, she had the accident and yes, you are separated living in separate quarters. She left and wants to live on her own, well...it's time your w learn what life is all about. She knows that if she cries a sob story, you'll rescue her.
You can advise her that money is tight and that you, too, are in the same boat when it comes to a budget and needing groceries and paying child support, as well as rent, etc. Time to man up and just tell her that you are not liable for any debts that she incurs.
Oh, she'll be angry for a while...but guess what? She'll learn to respect you more if you set your boundaries and stick to them and allow her to learn what life is about and be held accountable for her actions. You are not her father and it's not your place to bail her out every time she screws up, especially while separated.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for all the input on this. I've decided that if things are that tough on her I will kick in a few dollars for groceries but that is it. If she thinks life is so great with out me in it she needs to figure that life out on her own I guess. I'm only two months into this so I still have a hard time deciding the proper way to handle these kinds of situations. Thank god for all of you that chime in with advise. She said that she is waiting on her friend to know what the deal is with the car. I'll just have to wait and see. Time to prepare for a lonely Friday night now haha.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
There is no way she would believe that, honest I don't know that I do either. I'm just digging with that one I suppose. As far as the money deal, I know that it's her problem and I guess I'm just hoping that helping her would help me look better in her eyes. On the other hand it's just money and probably would just do nothing to help me.
I'm at the point now where one day I have the strength to completely detach then the next I get weak and start thinking about W again and ways to get her back. I trying really hard to just focus on me and have come along way in seeing where I went wrong. I feel a little better about myself every day and get a bit stronger. Some of the hurt still remains. I know I'm not far off, I just need to stay the path and listen to all the good advise you guys give me.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
This stinks. My day to spend with D and I get sick over night. Can't catch a break I guess. I'm going to get her anyways, but I hate that I won't be 100% for her. Oh well I'll just do what I can.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
Well had a good time with my D today. Even though I dont feel that great she still brightens my day. I'm also glad that we are at the point now where I go to the house to pick up and return D to W. I never stay more than five minutes or so, but its better than before when we would meet in a parking lot somewhere to exchange her. Her parents usually invite me in if I happen to be droping of D to them. They are such good people and I know they know W is pretty much off the reservation right now. I always fight the urge to ask them if W is doing ok, its not my place to bring that up to them.
Nothing much to report today. Only thing was W asked if I was working all day tomorrow which I am. I dont know if she had something in mind or was just making small talk. Guess it makes no difference either way.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
So it's 1 in the morning and I'm wide awake because my brain won't let me sleep. I'm not quite sure how to say this but I've been doing a lot of thinking all day and night and there is a pretty big piece of me that is not ready to let you go. Every time I think about you with someone else, in a house that should've been mine, with a life that I begged for all those years it breaks my heart. Can you give me the life I've wanted for so long? I think maybe we need to talk......
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
