Great day with S10 as we had together time at church carnival while W and S12 had their own time. Then we all went to a cookout. Good good, lots of friends and kids. Played football, danced a little. W had a great time and seemed to be the life if the party as others wanted her to dance more. Fun for everyone.
Then crap. W initiates conversation when we get home about what we should say to S12 about what's going on. Asks me if I've talked to him. Under the guise of a "friendly" conversation about the welfare if our children I get spurts if venom again.
"I don't know what flipped your switch this week, but you went from wanting to kick me out to being friendly". I resisted the opportunity to remind her that OM called last Friday and she confessed to continuing to talk to him after lying that she had stopped.
"I'm not sure how much S12 has heard, but you're loud when you say things to me. I'm sure when you said I had a boyfriend he heard that. Thanks for that, by the way." That statement was made on BD night as the world I knew it was falling on top if me. She's been holding onto that one since that night to use against me.
I calmly tried to explain that the difference in my behavior was due to the fact that it took me a few days to process new information and that I've been working hard to look at myself. I said "when you say I flipped a switch..,". She immediately denied saying that. She just made that exact statement 5 minutes earlier. I was quoting her. She was spitting so much venom she didn't even remember what she said. Unbelievable.
Compared our sitch to her BFFs sitch. I calmly suggested that we not try to compare our sitch to anyone and I certainly would prefer not to be compared to BFFs H. He has a problem with alcohol, anger, and lack of responsibility. I got, "I'm not trying to compare you to him. I'm just saying the kids are in the same sitch. This talk isn't about us it's about our children." OK
I resisted every temptation to defend and be drawn into a fight. 3 different times she says that she doesn't want to fight, but...
I validated her feelings and tried to show understanding and compassion. I made the suggestion that I talk to S12 about things since she feels that he blames her for everything and feels that their relationship is hurting because of it. I told her the reassurance to S12 should come from me because if their problems lately. We then talked about how we felt that talk should go.
Great day ruined again. I believe she is incapable of allowing anything positive to happen. I had a great time today around friends and being with my kids. W and I got along gone during it all and she seemed to have fun. I caught her watching me playing football a couple times. I also caught her watching me dance.
Does her fog make her afraid of progress? Is she so mixed up and lost that chaos us more comfortable? Is it everything in general, or is it just seeing me be positive that envokes venom?
This stinks. I can't even have fun with my kids and other friends without W destroying it afterwards.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
