You're doing awesome K. Keep moving with your progress. May I ask why would you move in order to restart your life?
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
You're doing awesome K. Keep moving with your progress. May I ask why would you move in order to restart your life?
Thanks Mimi, all of my family lives in the NE, so if I moved, it would be closer to them. It's hard they have to fly out all the time with the current situation. I don't know if I see myself staying here long-term. I wouldn't have picked this city to live in had it not been for her family living here. I thought it would be best for our relationship to bring her close to support network. It turned into giving her the strength and support to leave the M. Not saying I didn't give her lots of reasons to, but I think it's a big contributing factor.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I called her tonight and left a voicemail saying we should get together to divide up our stuff. I kept it positive, requested she call or email me back. For someone who according to her attorney wants to talk to me, she doesn't get back to me very quickly. Also, I'm trying to give her her way and let her get out of the M quickly. The sooner we meet up to figure out dividing stuff up the quicker she can get out, so I would think she would be wanting to get it done if she wants out so fast.
Odd.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I know you're anxious to get the meeting over with but since you've already emailed her about it and she hasn't responded, calling her may cause her to feel pressure. I'd say try to keep your mind off of what the lawyer said....let her reach out to you in her own time.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Thanks Mimi, my lawyer requested stuff by this Wednesday, so that's why I'm inquiring about it.
My W wanted to enter into temporary orders that she would use her own check for securing her own apartment and she would keep the nice car, and that I would pay for all of the marital assets/expenses from my checks.
We don't need to enter into temporary orders because if we can just decide on dividing stuff by November 9th we can get the D finalized. W seems intent on going that route, so why drag it out. I feel like I'm being used for my pay/benefits at this point.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Anyway, she emailed back apologizing for not getting back to me sooner, and for missing my call yesterday. Said she would like to start with a phone call tonight so we'll see how it goes.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Had a 50 minute phone call with the W. It was really awkward to start. We discussed dividing up the checking account, and paying for our own expenses from here on out. She asked about money she had seen moved around which I explained adequately.
After that though, somehow we just got to talking. I asked her a couple of broad questions and she just started talking, nothing regarding relationship or M. She talked about work, I asked her about a documentary about her job that was out, and we got talking about things. Overall it went really well. There was a lot of laughing and I was grinning a lot.
I asked her if I could borrow a book she bought when we moved here, and that I had mail to give her. I asked if she wanted me to mail it to her or if we could meet up for coffee like we did 5 days after BD. She said coffee some morning sounded fine.
She just kept saying "this is weird" a few times. And mentioned that neither of us thought we would ever be in this position. I just agreed it was weird and understood why she felt/thought that.
She asked about our dog, the house, my job. I told her enough but didn't rub anything in.
It could have gone a lot worse. Still trying to have no expectations.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I figure it's because I was replaying the conversation in my head over and over. Apparently I'm not doing a good job of detaching.
I'm just not sure whether to keep trying to DB and hope I can be a DB success story. Or if she is really "done." She didn't bring up anything about the D or say it's still what she knows is right. I didn't get any opportunities to clarify her thoughts in that area.
How do you know if what you're doing is the right thing? Or don't you until the very end?
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I've been thinking over everything a lot today. I have so much respect for those of you months into this. It's so hard to go back and forth and replay conversations and actions in your mind.
I'm sort of making myself crazy today thinking about things.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Kdog - I'm almost 4 months in, and I feel like I'm JUST starting to get it. Then the people that have been here 2 years come along, and I realize I'm a BABY.
What do you do in the evenings? Exercise? A good book? Movies? Friends?
