DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[DTM]

Thank you for the replies and yes I can agree that it is frustrating and also difficult to write words that don't make me appear to be focused soley on my needs. I am struggling but I guarantee you I am trying so hard. I hear what my W has said and I do understand there is nothing I can do to change her..she must do that herself.

The past two days (I know it's not much) have gone decently - very little discussion between us and what was said was mostly initiated by my W pertaining to the kids or general things. I am currently on night shift (and my W loves this because I'm not around) but did get up very early today to see my D participate in a gymnastics function..I'm beat tired now but it was worth it. Tomorrow is more of the same, only even earlier for my S and his RC truck racing which I will be doing with him. I am focusing a lot of energy towards my kids, it's really the only thing that makes me feel good lately.

As for the dating thing - I broke it off after one "date"..yes it felt good to be wanted by someone else but it also felt incredibly guilty of me to even go there when I love my wife the way I do...I think her stating to me that she was surprised I hadn't dated yet and encouraging me too do it twisted my thinking into believing it was something I should be pursuing. However, she doesn't know that I did and that story is over.

Yes, I can surely get some new cologne, have recently purchased some new clothes and I consistently work out and cycle. I do not go off too much by myself or with friends for two reasons - I just moved to the area and only know a handful of people (I can surely go out though if I made the effort! - I do cycle for hours at a time or go ride my motorcycle) and two I feel guilty when I am off because I know I can spend time I barely had before with my kids doing activities with them, which I really enjoy.

I know there is no magic pill to fixing this, I think I am having trouble understanding that my W (and most women) "think" they tried to fix something for X amount of time mostly with words...they finally give up and then use an ACTION which gets a mans attention. By the time a man sees the action the W is so checked out emotionally that they believe everything under the sun that says it's over and too late or don't trust the changes. But DB teaches that this is when the H has finally made the most significant change and will be the best husband..which I believe 100%..I so get it and I can never conceive displaying behaviors that I have in the past. I know I can't "fix" this..I can only attempt to be the most positive person I can and enjoy myself and my kids with the hope that it positively influences my W. It's so terribly hard to do and I find myself suffering from lack of sleep, depression and the inability to just put on an outward smile. I find it very challenging to just "be friends" when I just want to show love - love which isn't wanted. I am staying up with my usual help around the house and doing little things that my W doesn't perceive as threatening (or loving)..but that is about all I can do when it comes to "giving".
Please continue to offer your advice on how I can remain positive and put on that outward smile...I love my wife more than the day I married her, even with the affair and current state of our relationship...she is my sunshine and the most incredible mother..I don't ever want to be without her in my heart.