Is he living rent free in a condo? Or is he living with her?
Really?
I hate that this happened today! Why couldn't I be blissfully unaware and keep this pma?
In the DR, there is nothing that addresses this. He is not living here, but he is having an affair! Or do escorts prefer shopping instead of normal cash these days?
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, Breathe! I can tell you are getting angrier and more anxious by the minute. It's not going to help you any if you can't get a grip and calm down before you confront him.
As for the questions you posed, only he can answer them for you. Now, the question will be...is he telling you the truth. Mlcers are noted for being proficient in the lying department. They are great at gas lighting the lbs. So you'll need to watch the body language.
Not trying to trivialize your discovery today, but we all have found incriminating evidence sooner or later w/our respective mlcers. They are very clueless about leaving evidence lying around. You need to continue broadening your posting arena and start reading not only the recent postings on the forum, but those in the archives. I think you will discover that your h has been a very mild mlcer compared to others.
Please calm down and breathe! You need to be in control of your emotions before you confront him or you will get no answers tonight.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know I will see him when he returns, and I know that the last few days were actually good.
Where does this put me with DR'ing?
I am just so crushed, to feel like I was doing well , and yes he lies. I'm not kidding myself. He lies!
Nothing he can say here is going to explain this...What I don't get is:
Why when I said , go ahead and file, did he say he wasn't ready to make a final decision on us yet?
Is it so he can afford the divorce?
Is it so I can get through school and he thinks he won't have to pay as much alimony?
We've been together 33 years! In VA that's pretty cut and dry.
Is it because he wants me to have the house so he doesn't feel so guilty?
He had mentioned how guilty he feels more than once, well DUH I guess so!
I'm not going to worry about the storage facility, he can clean that out himself!
As for cable, perhaps he can figure that out too!
Or I could give him the list of shows he asked me to make.
Tell him that I was SO concerned and would like to help him relieve some of his financial stress, pile on more reasons for him to feel even more guilty!
Be so unbelievably sweet and understanding of all that he is going through...
I'm sounding bitter now aren't I?
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ok, I would do as Wonka and job suggested, they are right on...affairs are to mlc like butter is to toast (can't remember who said that but it is so true).
Remember,the affair means nothing, just a band-aid, two broken people. In my sitch, W had quite the affair machine going, PA, EA's, cyber boy toys...she was a busy girl!! or is that cougar?? I forget....
So about the SUV...let him continue to use it, think of it as trade for the freezer of venison (yum!!!!). This is YOUR time to shine, to show the new you, that you are first class stuff. You are the bigger, calmer, peaceful person. You are above it, right?
I can tell you that you will get better, you will get past the A, if you choose. It's totally up to you, but I will say I am glad I let W's activities go.
You can do this!! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
You sound like someone that has been hurt deeply and rightly so. However, I would continue to db and be the better person here.
You know what mlc is all about and you also know that they can be very confused and yet compartmentalize their lives, especially the men. Until you get some answers, we can't sit here and "assume" anything. Assuming can cause all sorts of stinking thinking.
Where does this put you in dbing...that's for you to decide. Do you want to try to save your marriage? If so, continue w/the principles and love him unconditionally from afar. Be kind to him and you need to understand that he's going to do what he needs to do to find his inner self no matter what it takes. Keep in mind, all the dbing in the world can't guarantee that your h will want to return home and reconcile. Some don't. But, dbing is for you and to help save yourself and yes, the communication skills do work wonders if you have faith in the system.
My advice is pick yourself up off the floor and dust yourself off. Be the best you can be and whatever you do, hold your head up high for you've done nothing wrong...this is all about him and him only.
To be perfectly honest w/you, I think your h is very confused and is testing the waters in several ponds and until he's decided what he wants, he's not going to file...but if you push and continue to push, he'll file just to get you off his back.
Whatever you do, don't lash out and retaliate against him because of this. You want to be the rational, calm adult in this situation. You need to keep your emotions in check. Cry, scream, vent when he's gone. Come here to vent. We know how you feel and know exactly what you are going through. It's not a sprint, but a marathon when you are dealing w/mlc.
You don't want to be a bitter person...because it will make you miserable. Feel the pain, allow it to wash over you and then release it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Ambiv, I don't have much to offer, advice wise, but to breath deep and listen to the vets. Sending you big hugs!!!
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
