Quick update, several scattered but interesting points on W:
1. W called me - out shopping with kids. Said she was still wearing her rings, so I guess that's good.
2. I got the AT&T login, and her social media accounts are all disabled now, so the only thing she can do is text/call - and I'll have the passcode to her phone so I will be able to see any calls/texts/messages I want. I can't look at it unless I'm with her anyway. I'm trying to balance my suspicions with reason/common sense. I'm saving my hard-core stuff for after the conversation when she will have no excuses.
3. Also, she said after she talks to him, she'll be re-enabling all of her social media stuff and putting her married name back up, and linking to me as her spouse (OM will be blocked). W probably is better friends with OM's sister, and they are FB friends, so this means early next week his sister, family, and all of their mutual friends will see it.
4. W told me, "After this awful experience, one thing I know is that no one will ever measure up to you, or even come close to what we have, if we can stop fighting about stupid stuff." She calls me, texts me little funny things, flirts with me, tells me constantly she loves me. The last time I was there with her having coffee, and we were just sitting together on the couch, and I had to go, she just laid her head on my shoulder and asked me to stay (I went anyway, keeping to DB principles still).
Maybe I'm naive, but I think her hesitation with OM is not because she's holding on to strong romantic feelings, or is doubtful about us, but its because of who OM is. He is a short, dumpy, fat guy with a beer belly; he dresses and lives like a slob; W described as "aloof" and a loner; has very few friends. I honestly believe that W was probably like an angel to him because she is tall, beautiful, classy; and although they ended the relationship about as soon as it began, they're still friends, and now he's gonna get completely cut off, and she feels sorry/bad for him. I guess I kinda feel sorry for him too. Geez.
5. Lastly, and probably the best sign - she told me to "prove her commitment", she said she would come to our church with me (she left probably 4 months ago and hasn't been back). This means she'll be wearing rings, and sitting by me in front of most of our mutual friends...
I don't mention it, but I am still working on DB principles. Allowing space when needed, validating and confirming feelings, not compromising my boundaries. The last few days have been extremely emotional and exhausting, and I know I didn't do well at it, so I'm starting fresh Monday again.
