I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[Whiterose]

Job,
you're right....even while I was saying it I knew I should probably not but I was surprised and curious, I guess. Now that H had such a volatile conversation with S18 I'm extra sensitive to what they talk about....I'll have to control that.

I've noticed myself slowly believing more and more that he is never going to come back. Getting a little more discouraged with each and every passing day. Some days I handle it better than others, today is particularly bad. I haven't cried in a while and today I am weepy. I just told my girlfriend I need to it to end, one way or anther, it just has to stop. I'm just not as strong as some of the other standers here I think. So many of them have interactions or a spouse that lives at home. Then I see they are years in and I look at my infant 7 month stitch and just am astounded at their tenacity and it overwhelms me to think of it.

The boys are so excited for Christmas, it makes me want to puke. I think he's angry with me but as I have not seen him since June and not talked to him since the "mortgage bounce" conversation he could be indifferent to me too......I'm not sure which. He probably thinks everything with S14 is all better now and he's the best dad ever again. I'm mind reading, I know, bad!

thank you for your support!!