I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[Whiterose]

Job,
you're right....even while I was saying it I knew I should probably not but I was surprised and curious, I guess. Now that H had such a volatile conversation with S18 I'm extra sensitive to what they talk about....I'll have to control that.

I've noticed myself slowly believing more and more that he is never going to come back. Getting a little more discouraged with each and every passing day. Some days I handle it better than others, today is particularly bad. I haven't cried in a while and today I am weepy. I just told my girlfriend I need to it to end, one way or anther, it just has to stop. I'm just not as strong as some of the other standers here I think. So many of them have interactions or a spouse that lives at home. Then I see they are years in and I look at my infant 7 month stitch and just am astounded at their tenacity and it overwhelms me to think of it.

The boys are so excited for Christmas, it makes me want to puke. I think he's angry with me but as I have not seen him since June and not talked to him since the "mortgage bounce" conversation he could be indifferent to me too......I'm not sure which. He probably thinks everything with S14 is all better now and he's the best dad ever again. I'm mind reading, I know, bad!

thank you for your support!!

[job]

WR,
You can't predict what the future holds. You can only focus on the gift that you have now...the present. The past is long gone. So, let's keep our focus on the present...okay?

I had an extremely angry mlcer, but w/time, space and a divorce, he eventually did settle down, but it took a long time for him to get there. We have had some civil emails and a couple of phone conversations over the years, but I don't like the person he is today. So, yes, they can settle down and hopefully your h won't go out there and do a lot of stupid stuff and then live to regret it later on.

I'm glad to read that the boys are getting excited for Christmas. It is a time of hope and family gatherings. I do hope that your sons won't be disappointed if their father doesn't participate in any of the family gatherings.

Try not to mind read. It tends to make us "assume" things.

Hang in there. You are just having one of those days on the coaster. It will level off again very soon.

[Whiterose]

Job, I'm in a fog today.....I know it will pass but it feels so oppressive today. The present is miserable and awful and I want to run from it as fast as I can. My own little MLC day??:)

I'm not quite sure how he won't end up regretting what he's already done. From the moment they BD how can they not end up regretting it? He's weak in mind and spirit. I think he always has been. Jealous and angry will make you weak and unable to see things the way they are. I think it's why he blamed his parents for so many things wrong in our lives now......is that bad of me to say?

S18 has come to the conclusion that dad is a write off other than as a man he sometimes has contact with. I'm worried S14 thinks he can convince him to come home for Christmas and then when he can't will slip further away. It's all just strange to me that he wanted nothing to do with him and then out of the blue, after a christmas conversation with me, he calls his dad.

H works with coasters.....I need to get off and let him continue riding the bumps!! lol

[job]

WR,
No, it's not bad to say he blamed his parents for a lot of the things that went wrong in your lives. Deep down, he had a good idea of the whats, why's and whens. He just didn't realize how much they would explode into this monster. No one did. We were never told about such things growing up. Mlc was a hush hush topic for many years and yes, many folks early on died very young, so people didn't see this crazy behavior. It all began to get some attention when Bill Clinton had his little tryst in the White House and from there, many more have come to light.

Maybe your son is thinking that Christmas may be a time that his dad will want to be w/his family. I sure hope he's not disappointed. That would just crush him.

I do hope you'll feel better soon.

[Whiterose]

Yes, you're right. His dad went through a particularly bad MLC and my MIL allowed it all to happen in front of her kids. Maybe, this is why I'm so obsessed with my kids? I saw the effect on them and how dysfunctional they all are now.

Your lips to God's ear Job. I can't bare the thought S14 will be crushed further.

Here's a question. I'm packing another box of stuff for H to pick up when he picks up S18 for his bday dinner. Included are some of his family photos and Father's Day photos. There are a couple with me....do I leave them or throw them out? Will it make him mad or think I'm trying something with them in there?

[job]

WR,
Leave the photos in there. He can choose to either put them out or keep them in the box. Generally, mlcers will not unpack many of the boxes that they eventually take w/them. So, don't worry about it.

WR, I hope that your h doesn't disappoint his sons, especially over the holidays. It would crush both of them, but more so your younger son. He needs to have some positive bonding time w/his father and I do hope that God will find a way to provide that.

Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself a bit this evening. Okay?

[Whiterose]

Ok. I'll leave everything as is. I just don't want to have him accuse me of trying to make him feel guilty, or anything, at all!! I don't want his pics here either and I don't reel right throwing them out so he can decide.

He's going to......I know that S14 is wanting dad home for Christmas. I'll need to think on this a bit and see how things evolve with him and then take it from there. H is just incapable of being what either boy needs. Awful!! I'm thinking this is part of my dread for Christmas. Last nail in the coffin for them.

Maybe I'll go through the boys lists and see if anything I on sale on line. Can start pricing things out and getting things here and there

[Pudmuddle]

hi wr, just catching up. so sorry your kids have to expect disappointment. You are a great mom and you have every right to think of them first. Dang, I wish there was something that would protect the kids from all this cr@p. So very saddening.

Be good to yourself on Christmas gifts too!

[Whiterose]

Thanks for checking In Pud. Thank you for your kind words! It means a lot. I have been so low the last few days....I can't seem to shake if.

S18's bday tomorrow, 19, it's a big one. Makes it 19 years since H came back into my life. I miss him so much right now.

He's started unfriendling all my family and our friends (well, I guess he would say my friends although they were his too). He's just so awful. Cold, cold, cold. I don't get it. He's so awful!!!

[job]

WR,
I hope that you are planning something special for your son.

I'm not surprised to read that your h is unfriending your family and friends...it's typical mlc behavior. He's following the mlc "how to book".

Hang in there.