I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[job]

WR,
Listen, if I can do video games, so can you! I was all thumbs for a while, but practice does make perfect and once you get the hang of it, you'll be up for a challenge w/your son. Don't feel stupid if you can't get it the first, second or third time.

Your h asking about the birthday dinner could have been a little of both, i.e., curiosity and missing out on the event. I wouldn't worry too much about what his motive was because he put himself out there and he could have made an effort to reach out and do something on that special day.

Holidays are coming up and mlcers tend to do all kinds of crazy stuff during this time of the year. It's important to continue detaching and focusing on you and your family.

[Pudmuddle]

wr, my S doesn't want me to play anymore, lol, because I was the 7 seconds in get killed girl too. Now I just sit and watch and ask questions about what he is doing. Sometimes that is too much for him too, lol. Ah well, teenagers.

[Whiterose]

HAHAHA Pud.....I'm thinking I'll be doing more sitting and watching and "learning" than actual play time but if he's teaching me we're interacting, right??

Job, S18's bday is not actually until the 5th. He's taking him to the pub, legal age in Vancouver now, as I'm cooking him dinner on the 5th (tradition that each person gets to pick dinner on their birthday night) and then he's going to the bar with some friends after.

Halloween was always a fun one for us. We decorate the house up and carve pumpkins together. As we get closer to Christmas my stomach keeps turning.....if one more person posts a "how many days until Christmas" meeme again I'm going to lose it. Work will also slow down for him now, after tonight, so he'll have more time to stew in his mess. When he left busy season started and tonight begins slow season so we'll see what he comes up with now I guess.

[Whiterose]

Just wondering how many of you continue to wear your wedding band? If you don't when did you take it off? I know it's personal for each person but just curious. H left his here when he left but I continue to wear mine. Wondering if removing it will he notice or even care?

[RosaLinda]

I wear mine. Because I feel married. Maybe because we still live together Rose, that probably makes a difference. My H says he considers his "marital contract" to have been over at 25 years.

I think the MLCers notice EVERYTHING, but won't let you know!

How are you doing today? Any fun plans for the weekend?

[Whiterose]

I feel married but that I don't have a husband.....it's weird. We haven't communicated, at all, in 3 weeks (since I messaged him about his surgery) We have kids but he refuses to talk to me.......it makes me feel even weirder about it. I was thinking New Year's Eve. I would take it off to start the new year. Geeky I know but maybe significant for my fresh start. I don't know. I'll see how I feel.

I mentioned in an earlier post how I was dreading Christmas well, it appears my S14 is so excited for it. Last night S18 went with friends after all we shut the house down and S14 wanted to go but it was too late and the older boys wanted to go on their own. He would normally have to go off to bed, it was 10, but asked if he could make a hot chocolate. I said sure. We then cuddled, he was right on top of me, and we watched Elementary, our show together, and he said "you know what happens now?" Me "no" "Christmas!" My stomach dropped. "Well, first there's Remembrance Day then we can start Christmas" "we can get our tree a few weeks before and decorate it up. The house too. You know what I love Bout Christmas?" "What's that?" "Our family is all together and happy" I just about burst into tears. He then stated talking about some gifts he's asked for and how he understands I cannot afford all of them but he would prefer this over that, etc. He is just so excited for it! It's a big deal in my family. I bake for about a month before, different types of cookies. We go to mass and, used to, go to H's family for Christmas Eve, brunch Christmas morning with my sister, her family, either at my house or theirs. Dinner with my parents and sisters again. Boxing Day we get together with friends. New Year's Eve we switch between my house, my sister's house or a friend's house (friend's turn this year) and we eat more than you can imagine. We actually all wear our new Christmas pj's. Then New Year's Day dinner at my parent's house. We cut down our tree. We go to see big displays of lights. I'm dreading each and every event. I'll put on a good face, and I'm sure there will be moments of utter joy, but I'm terrified it'll just feel so wrong. S18 mentioned he may want to spend Christmas Day with his dad....I'm screaming on the inside. Crying in private. Waaaay ahead of myself. I know. So bad.

This weekend. My friend is taking me and S14 for dinner. S18 is working. May cuddle on the couch after and watch a movie with him. Tomorrow need to do some floral work for some orders early Sunday am then a family baptism Sunday night. Good 75 - 80 people going to be there. My cousin's dad family (so my mom's sister her husband's family) I know it doesn't sound like much but we're Italian so all related kinda sorta. Lol . Haven't seen them since this started and I'm sure there will be questions or looks or both. They loved H a lot too and are very angry at him for doing this to me again. And it's a big family. 6 men one sister. Each married each with kids and some with more kids. That's a lot of questions. Part of me wants to run and hide but I can't.

What about you Linda. How are you? Plans for the weekend? I just want to say, again, how proud I am of you for putting H and RT in their place!! Good for you

[RosaLinda]

Hi Rose! Hope you're having an okay weekend. It must be so hard for you. I read what you wrote on Heather's thread:

"It's been 7 months since BD for me, and he's full force divorce court on me.....can't divorce me fast enough. Maybe, for me, it's all the MLC crazy and the lawyers that is making me wonder how you ladies have done it for so long. I hate opening my emails for fear of an email from my lawyer telling me some other thing H wants or is accusing me of that makes me wish it was just all over with already."

This must be such a difficult time for you. Especially with all of your financial problems, all of your H's crazy complaints, your crazy SIL, and all. But have you ever read reachingHigher's threads? Her H was gung ho on divorcing her too. He just could not get the papers filed fast enough. They even went to court and everything, and the papers were ready to be signed a day or two after Christmas. I think rH had really given up on DBing. But just as "D day" came around, her H said he wanted to delay signing for a month or two. That was last December, and they are reconciling now. I'm sorry if you already knew rH's sitch, but I find it so inspiring. So full of hope. This is my prayer for your sitch Rose. I have heard of people who get back together even after divorce. I guess what I mean is, never give up. I'm trying to follow that advice too.

Rose, I was thinking, your GP could request a copy of the report from that the doctor your saw S14 5 years ago. That's a great bunch of advice Job had about playing the games with him. Maybe you being "killed" will be good for his ego And if he likes cooking, how about watching the cooking channel together? Or actually asking him to help you make dinner?

[RosaLinda]

No....S14 should be helping you make Christmas cookies, reading the recipes, making shopping lists etc! Hey Rose I just read what you wrote on my thread - thank you SO much for checking on me, I was really rather sad and feel so much better now because you made me laugh out loud!

how do you know our spouses are lying? their lips are moving!

I don't know how I missed that you wrote that you going out to dinner with your friend and S14 tonight. Have fun! And good luck fielding all those questions at the baptism tomorrow. Are you a florist?

[Whiterose]

Hi Linda

There's a wind and rain warning here this weekend, kinda brought me down further. I have some work to do this weekend and so am hanging around the house. I went onto H's FB, through son's acct, and noticed he has started deleting pics of me and some of the ones of us together. Still has some up there but has started the deletion process....I know it shouldn't surprise or affect me but it does. More than I like actually which makes me feel like a failure even more. I'm sad today, again, and don't know what to do with all of it.

I have read, and followed, rH's stitch. I just don't see it in my future.....I see it as their happy story but don't think my H will ever change his mind. I think it would be too hard for him to admit what he's done and make the changes necessary to be able to restore our family. He is just so, so angry with me......he hates me or maybe is indifferent to me? which is why he doesn't talk to me? I don't even know what he feels/thinks actually.

My GP gave me a copy at the appt so I have it in hand. I'm starting the process of getting him reassessed as well. Meeting with his teachers not this coming Wednesday but next. He called his dad yesterday, talked for 10 mins, and then messaged him a couple of times. Don't know if he's talked to him today as he volunteered this am and is now at my sister's house as my nephew and he are going to a friend's birthday party tonight. I asked him what made him call his dad and he said he hadn't talked to him in a while and H wanted to know how he was doing. I asked what they talked about "nothing much just how it was going" I'm noticing a pattern with him. At first he would go with his dad and come home with his allowance or some other thing he wanted. Called him a week before thanksgiving and then talked about Christmas with me on Halloween so I'm wondering if he thinks H will come home for christmas? He said he loves "how everyone is together and happy" at christmas. He's also slept in my bed two nights in a row which he has done on and off since this all started.....mostly off though. Sometimes, when I'm baking, I'll ask him for his help and sometimes he wants to and sometimes not. Really, depends on video games:)

UGG this weather is not helping my mood:(

[job]

WR,
Sorry to hear about the weather. Hopefully it will not rain the entire time.

I hope you don't mind me pointing something out to you, but you need to back off a bit w/your son. You asked him what made him phone is dad and then what did they talk about. This kind of puts him in a spot because he may feel like he's caught in between the two of you. I know you are concerned about him, but I would allow him to come to you if he wishes to tell you about his conversation w/his father.

As for rH situation, each and every situation will be different. She and her husband are not out of the woods just yet. They still have a few more bumps in the road to overcome and they will in time. I advise everyone not to get discouraged because there is a reason for each and everything that happens in this world...we just aren't told the why's, what ifs, etc. No one knows how their situation will play out and even if you are divorced, there is always a chance that things could settle down in a year or two and he may want to try to reconcile w/you. But, keep in mind, you will be the one to determine if that is what you want to do.

For now, I would try to stay positive and enjoy the time you spend w/your sons as much as possible. The holidays are coming and it may be difficult for them this year since their father is out on the street. As for your h being angry, he's got to be that way in order to justify why he needs to divorce you. If he can't justify why he's doing the things he's doing, that would be admitting he's the problem. Try not to take his anger personally because he's angry at himself and the entire universe.

Please take care of yourself.