I don't know if anyone will see this because I haven't updated in a couple of weeks, but it's the only way I can think of to vent without confronting my H.

I'm getting to the point where I want to push him for an answer as to what he's planning to do so I can get on with it. I am just sick of feeling like he can waffle from month to month, year to year, making no real decision, not really in my life but not really out of it either, and I'm just standing by, not making waves, living a sort of together life yet a separate one. I've been really careful not to start any "talks" with him but this is so confusing, I just want to know - are you planning on leaving? Do you want out? Are you just biding your time? Are you planning on staying and just not ever being affectionate or sexual with me again? WHERE DID YOU GO?

I know this is something so many of you have gone through and are going through, and are likely handling it much better than I am. I just can't understand for the life of me what could possibly be going through his mind. I don't know how many more months I can just do "nothing".

I get sad whenever I see photos on facebook of friends of mine and their husbands, smiling away, or doing life stuff like visiting their relatives, going on trips, taking their kids places, or husbands just looking like they're actually present and happy in their wives' lives and couldn't be more content. I look at my H and wonder, does he even love me? Is this really all about his MLC or does he just want to have a calm home life until he high tails it out of here?

Then there are times we hang out together or with our dogs on a hike or something, but it's like he's on autopilot. Wearing his ring, still my H, but not really engaged with me in any way. Laughing, but not really close to me. Speaking to me about this or that but no real love. Just a shell.

I'm thinking about going to see our therapist to get some clarity around this, not even sure if it's a good idea to mention it to my H. I don't want him to think I'm pushing. I'm just really mind tripping off this whole thing, and I don't have many people I can confide in about it.

Part of me is saying, maybe it's not a MLC after all. He just simply doesn't like or love you anymore so wake up! And that's the part of me that feels like I should ask him about it. We still haven't spoken about our last huge fight months ago, so I have no idea what is what. I just want to feel like I'm in a marriage that will somehow balance out someday.