wife hardens heart-5

[planet]

Let me just tell you that it sets an extremely bad precedent for when your kids are older. They will not listen to you and think they can get whatever they want. They will grow up to be just like your W and you will not be able to control them.

If you want to have someone in your family respect you, then start with your children.

You mean they'll have to go along with what i decide for them?
Like Meal A, Fun Place B, Fun Time C ?

It's obviously because of the situation. You can't keep treating them like they are adults without feelings. They are children and are missing out on the nurturing portion of their childhood that YOU as her father is supposed to provide. Become the PARENT.

How to even parent effectively when i don't even stay with them anymore? I want to instill my values but i'm facing resistance from MIL and W.
My D4 is staying away from me. Don't you think it hurts?
I've done everything i can. Hugs. Tell her 'I Love You's more. Talk to her.
I help her with her school work but now she only wants her mom.
I'd take her out but now she's crying for her mom.
She have no problem with me leaving every night anymore.

[MrBond]

"You mean they'll have to go along with what i decide for them?
Like Meal A, Fun Place B, Fun Time C ?"

Of course! YOU are the adult. If you give a child the choice as to what they want to eat, they will eat the same thing over and over again. It's YOUR job to introduce them to life and new experiences that they don't know about. All children will usually say "no" to a new experience without even trying. Yet when they are put into the situation where they have to try, oftentimes they end up liking it.

"How to even parent effectively when i don't even stay with them anymore?"

You see them 50% of the time right? Fill the time you have with them with QUALITY experiences. I'm not talking about homework, putting them to bed, feeding them, etc. I mean take them to try something new on your own.

"I want to instill my values but i'm facing resistance from MIL and W."

Who cares about what they think? You're not teaching them bad values. You're just giving them new experiences. You have just as much of a say as to how your kids are raised as your W and certainly way more of a right than your MIL. Start growing a pair of b@ll$ and be the best father ever.

"My D4 is staying away from me. Don't you think it hurts?"

Of course it does. But you're letting that hurt define who you are. You're becoming passive and depressed because of it. You can just as easily turn that around.

"I've done everything i can. Hugs. Tell her 'I Love You's more. Talk to her."

Do those things AND start doing new things with her. Do things that your W wouldn't. And it's none of your W's business what you do on YOUR time with them.

"I help her with her school work but now she only wants her mom."

Don't let it stop you. You were an absent father before. You're not that anymore. Learn how to actually raise children rather than having them raise you.

"I'd take her out but now she's crying for her mom."

Don't let that stop you. If you do then she will always cry for mom and not look to you for anything in life. Is that what you want? Do you want to lose your children's respect?

"She have no problem with me leaving every night anymore."

Stop the pity party. What are you going to do about it?

[PatientMan]

A good father will never stop loving (the verb) his children. He will never stop pursuing them.

What a child wants is many times childish (shocking! ). When that child grows up, he or she will likely have the realization of who YOU are and were and who your W is and was. So who are you going to be? Don't you want to be the dad that never stopped loving and pursuing?

Ultimately you are setting the example for the type of man your D's will look for when they grow up and want to marry someone. Don't let a few failures - a few lack of validations from a 4-year-old - keep you from doing your job.

Raising children is work, and work isn't always fun. But you have a job to do. Do it well...no matter what!

-PM

[PatientMan]

Planet,

I have exactly the same experience with my S10 as Jon just described
XW1 has called me several times to come to her assistance when S10 acts crazy!

Me too. D3 is giving XW fits lately and XW will call me to have me talk to D3 because I guess my voice is magic. I am always thinking, "I thought you wanted your independence? I guess that is only true up to the point when you can't handle something and need help."

-PM

[planet]

You know what. The new experiences. I'm kinda doing that already. I'm doing things I normally don't do with the girls.
I plan to take them for a short bus ride tomorrow. The girls will love it. Of course W will be against it but it doesn't matter anymore.

I went to visit them after work and I wanted to show them that I got their bicycle fixed. I expected happy faces but D4 is at it again. She avoids me when I asked for a hug. She gave a half hearted hug only when I wanted to leave. She knows she playing me. I just don't know what to do with that girl.
I'm getting paranoid here and wondered did anyone influence her in anyway?

OM's car was around and he's nowhere to be seen. Upstairs? Perhaps.
Why does it not surprise me anymore.
I don't know why but I'm not too upset anymore.
I wonder if 'believe half of what you see' do apply anymore?

I texted W regarding a class W planned to sent my girls to. It was a nice exchange of texts. The next morning she texted that she's enrolling the girls to another program since the earlier one didn't worked out for the girls. She ended up asking to share the cost. W is always asking for money. That's all she's interested in. I told her I can't help her out because I really don't have much and she knows that. I think she's looking for excuses why I'm a bad husband and father. She seems to forget that I've always give everything to her in the past. There is nothing I will not do for my kids and I will provide for them the best I can.

[MrBond]

Why aren't you proactive in making these decisions about your children? Tell your W that you would like more information about the program she wants to change them to and will let her know if it's good. Start making the decisions without your W.

[planet]

I only found out about the classes when she signed them up. W do not see any reason to tell me beforehand.

We've talked about this before. Any decisions regarding the kids have to be discussed.

It upsets me. I was going to talk to her about the enrollment as I have regarding D3's recent episode. I'm going to have another drama on my hands later.

[PatientMan]

I only found out about the classes when she signed them up. W do not see any reason to tell me beforehand.

We've talked about this before. Any decisions regarding the kids have to be discussed.

It upsets me. I was going to talk to her about the enrollment as I have regarding D3's recent episode. I'm going to have another drama on my hands later.

Practice your emotionless stare.

-PM

[planet]

Practice your emotionless stare.

-PM

She always stares better than me. Eyes bulging. Pretty ugly stuff.

Do my stare work on her before? No. She just stares back and we'll be like 2 adult kids doing some silly dance

[planet]

My dad gave me a piece of article to read and he specifically highlighted some sentences.

"Even in darkness, there is always light; you just have to look for it"

"Thank God that I am still able to see the star"

"As long as our fingers are not of the same length, life will never be fair or easy, but please remember this: You cannot find courage in the absence of adversity: it is only in times of fear and pain that you learn to be brave.
Tough times don't last, but tough people do."


I feel like the prodigal son here. I have abandoned them for so long. I thought I must get away from home given a chance but here they are, welcoming me back with open arms. I'm reconnecting with my family. Just now, my brother texted me saying he has safely landed in Melbourne and to inform my parents.
Why me? My parents can read. This tells me I'm in his thoughts. I like his GF. I think he's a lucky guy. His GF is like this DB master and it's comforting talking to her.